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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30059430">Saving Angel</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaRay946/pseuds/IsaRay946'>IsaRay946</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Wayward Nephalem [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Drama &amp; Romance, F/M, Family Drama, Feelings, Fight For Live, Heartbreak, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:07:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>40,042</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30059430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsaRay946/pseuds/IsaRay946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel (Supernatural)/Original Female Character(s), Lucifer (Supernatural) &amp; Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A Wayward Nephalem [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2200683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Recap & Catch Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A year has gone by since losing my grace, becoming human, and getting my grace back. The weeks after my release from the hospital proved to be eventful. Sam and Dean are full-blown back into the hunting game. I should have realized it would happen. I haven't gone on any hunts since the last family hunt to save Lucifer.</p><p>Castiel joins the hunts every once in a while when the boys could really use his help. Gabriel has gone off playing tricks and pranks on practically everyone he knows. He decided to start staying with Balthazar, another angel he and Castiel had gotten close to over the years.</p><p>Chuck is still stuck in his own little Heaven not able to leave. He continues to ask for me and I continue to act as if he doesn't exist. Castiel went up to visit him once, he tells me there's nothing left for me to talk to Chuck about, so I leave it at that.</p><p>Bobby and Jody helped Alex, the girl Jody rescued from the horrid fate of becoming a vampire, enroll in nursing school. Bobby tried hanging up his hat to retire from the hunting game but finds himself pulled back in every so often. Mostly, he researches for Sam and Dean, and runs interference when they are caught up with the FBI and so on.</p><p>Lucifer and Abigail moved out into their own place a few towns over. Lucifer pretty much went into hiding, changed his appearance, and warded himself from any possible vultures looking for him or Abigail. Abigail is in preschool trying to live as normal of a life as possible. They stop by every now and then so the kids can play. Azriel misses her living here with us but understood when Lucifer explained that it was time for him to build a life of their own.</p><p>Azriel is now almost five years old. He would be starting preschool soon but I worry. I worry from a human mother's standpoint and a celestial being's standpoint. What if he loses control of his powers and they slip out? What if he reacts out of habit and reveals himself? What if he accidentally hurts another child? All of those worries and more float around in my mind more frequently as the time approaches but Castiel says he deserves to at least have the opportunity to try it. If he finds that it's not for him, he doesn't have to go back. I'm still fighting that battle.</p><p>Castiel and I were finally able to have the quality time we fought so long for. After coming home from the hospital, he made sure he stayed with Azriel and I and told everyone else that he was unavailable for the time being. I felt our bond strengthen with every day we spent together. The more time we were together, the closer we were becoming. It wasn't until he accidentally pulled me into a dream sequence with him and Dean that I found out he was becoming restless.</p><p>When I arrived within the dream, I was standing at the base of metal stairs. The room I was in looked as if it were a library, an old library. Hearing voices, I followed them through the library, down and around a few halls, and stopped at what seemed like a family room of some sort with a big screen TV, recliners, and a foosball table placed behind the chairs. To the left of the doorway were shelves that consisted of CDs, records, and a record player. Dean and Castiel were sitting in the chairs talking, completely oblivious to the sister standing in the doorway.</p><p>"Have you talked to her about it? She's pretty laid back, I don't see her telling you no." Dean picked at the label on the beer bottle he was holding.</p><p>Castiel leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees.</p><p>"No. We were apart for so long; I don't want her to think I just don't want to be there. I never thought I would, but Dean, I miss the hunts with you and Sam."</p><p>"So, tell her. My sister has always been more understanding than either me or Sammy. Sam may be the logical one but Angel is the compassionate and understanding one. Tell her you want back in on more hunts and I'm sure she'll find a way for you two to work around things."</p><p>Sighing, Castiel leaned back in his seat and rested his arms on the armrests of the chair. His body stiffened for a moment before he slowly looked towards the doorway to find me leaned against the frame.</p><p>Surprised, he asked, "How long have you been standing there?"</p><p>Confused, Dean looked over to see who he was talking about.</p><p>"Ange?" Dean sat up confused.</p><p>"Hey, guys." I smiled as I walked into the room.</p><p>"How are you here?" Dean asked.</p><p>Shrugging, I slid my hands in my pockets as I leaned against the TV stand in front of them.</p><p>"I'm not sure. I dozed off with Azriel on the couch and was pulled into a room with a metal staircase. I followed voices and ended up here. Where are we?" I asked looking around.</p><p>"Sam and I call it the bunker. It's a Men of Letters bunker." Dean explained.</p><p>"I'm sorry, what?"</p><p>Dean proceeded to explain to me what the Men of Letters were and how they came across their bunker.</p><p>Crossing my arms in irritation, I narrowed my eyes as I spoke.</p><p>"So, you two have been living here on and off and didn't think it would be information your sister might need to know?"</p><p>"Honestly, Cas is the only other one who knows about it right now. We only just stumbled upon this a short time ago. It's safer to stay here than to go back to the ranch and risk being followed."</p><p>Knowing he was right I lowered my glare just as Castiel was rising to his feet.</p><p>"Why don't we get out of his dream and let him sleep?"</p><p>Arching an eyebrow at him, I looked from him to Dean.</p><p>"You two are the ones who pulled me here."</p><p>"No, Angel, I'm pretty sure it was just me. I was talking about you and most likely pulled you here without realizing it."</p><p>"Cas is right. I want to sleep. Sammy and I will come visit the ranch soon, Ange. Until then, Cas taught Sam and I how to do this dream walking thing. We can chill here when we aren't fighting things that go bump in the night."</p><p>Rolling my eyes, I stood up straight.</p><p>"Yeah, because spending time with someone in dreamland is what I want to go back to doing. Whatever, Dean, just call me soon so we can actually talk. And give Sammy a hug for me." I said leaning down and hugging my brother.</p><p>Walking to the door with Castiel, the both of us walked into the hallway as the dream was dissolving around us.</p><p>Waking up on the couch with Azriel still in my arms, I shifted so he was laying against the back of the cushions and I sat on the floor in front of him. Castiel appeared a short time later.</p><p>"Angel," he began as he walked over to me.</p><p>"I heard most of it, the important part anyway." I cut him off.</p><p>"Oh." He sat on the loveseat across from the couch and patted the space next to him. Crawling onto the loveseat, I curled into his side with my arms around his middle.</p><p>"You miss hunting?" I asked quietly as we watched Azriel sleeping across from us. I was pretty sure he was visiting Abigail.</p><p>"Yeah. I'm shocked but I miss it."</p><p>Not responding, I laid my head against him and listened to the rhythm of his heart beat.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Let's Catch Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Weeks after the conversation with Castiel he finally decided he is going out on a hunt with the boys. He decided to wait until after the kids' birthdays and after I won the argument about Azriel going to preschool.</p><p>"If you two need anything, just call out."</p><p>We're standing on the porch, the three of us. Castiel kneels to Azriel and allows him to climb into his lap.</p><p>"I'll take care of mommy, Daddy. You go beat up the bad guys so everyone out there is safe."</p><p>Smiling as my heart swelled with pride, I watched the interaction between father and son.</p><p>"I know you will. And the same goes for you, if you need anything, I'm just a thought away." Castiel hugs Azriel before he climbs down.</p><p>Standing by my side once more he pulls me into his arms.</p><p>"Are you sure you're ok with this? I won't go if you want me here."</p><p>Kissing him gingerly, I smile and run my fingers through his already messy hair.</p><p>"Of course, I want you to stay, I hate being apart. But I know it's important for both of us to have the things we enjoy doing. Just... be careful."</p><p>Pulling me in for one more kiss, he holds me a little tighter than normal. Breaking away, his eyes stare into mine lovingly as he brushes a strand of hair out of my face from the wind.</p><p>"I love you, Angel."</p><p>"I love you, too, Cas."</p><p>Then he was gone.</p><p>Sitting down on the porch next to Azriel, I scoop him up and cuddle him close.</p><p>"Looks like it's just me and you for a bit, little man. What would you like to do?"</p><p>"I'll protect you, momma." He looks back at me.</p><p>"I know, baby, I know." I smile into our hug.</p><p>"Can we dream to Abbie?" He asks.</p><p>"If that's what you would like to do. I'll contact Luce and see if she's busy, you head in and clean up those cars."</p><p>Excited, he hurries off of my lap and into the house to clean up his toys from earlier.</p><p>
  <em>Luce? You around?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Angel, what a nice surprise. How have you been? It's been a while.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know, I'm sorry. Just figured you two needed some adjusting time. How is Abbie doing?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-She's adjusted amazingly. Me on the other hand, people are so rude and the fact that I can't tell anyone who I am irritates me even more.</em>
</p><p>Laughing at his response, I sit and imagine someone giving him an attitude and his face turning red with anger from not being able to flash those red eyes of his.</p><p>
  <em>-Stop laughing at me. I can feel it. He chuckles.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, I'm reaching out to see if Abbie is busy. Em wants to dream visit so they can play.</em>
</p><p>A few minutes pass by, him asking Abigal if she was up for a nap, I'm sure.</p><p>
  <em>-We'll be there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We? Ok, I guess I'm napping, too?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Well, yeah. I'm not passing up the chance to catch up with you.</em>
</p><p>Smiling, I nod, knowing he can't see me.</p><p>
  <em>Alright, Luce, I'll be there. Give us a few minutes and I'll pull you in.</em>
</p><p>Making sure the warding and protective shields are still in place around the property and house, I walk back into the house, locking the door behind me.</p><p>"Em, let's go to mommy and daddy's room."</p><p>Without a word, he runs from his room to our room and is on the bed before I make it down the hallway.</p><p>Closing and locking the bedroom door behind me, I smile as I see Azriel cuddled on Castiel's side of the bed with his little blue blanket.</p><p>Crawling into my side of the bed, I snuggle Azriel close to me and we both allow ourselves to drift off into our dreamland.</p><p>Azriel is at the sandbox immediately upon arrival. As I stand watching him, I send a wave of invitation to Lucifer and Abigail.</p><p>"Angel!" I hear small feet running behind me. Turning, I catch her as she leaps into my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing as she hugs me.</p><p>"Hey, Abbie. You're getting so tall!" I exclaim as I set her on the ground.</p><p>She giggles as she runs off towards Azriel.</p><p>Smiling as Lucifer reaches me, we greet one another with a hug.</p><p>"She's getting fast." He says gesturing towards Abigail.</p><p>"And tall. Are you sure she's only seven?" I chuckled.</p><p>"Positive. I went through hell and back for her, literally."</p><p>"I know, Luce, I was only picking at you." Leaning my shoulder into his, I nudged him playfully.</p><p>Smiling, he shoves his hands in his pockets as he watches the kids play.</p><p>"So, how have you been? How's Castiel?"</p><p>Now it was my turn to face the children and watch them play.</p><p>"Good. He decided to go back hunting with Sam and Dean for a little bit."</p><p>He glances at me with an arched brow,</p><p>"Really? I would have thought for sure he wouldn't let you out of his sight from now on."</p><p>"We were both that way for a long while. He's just antsy. With not helping Heaven or the boys, he was going a little stir-crazy."</p><p>"He's a soldier, it's in his creation. It always will be." He explains. "But you know if you need him, he will be here within minutes if not seconds." He smiles assuring.</p><p>Walking to a nearby bench to sit and watch the kids, followed by Lucifer, I sit and adjust to get comfortable.</p><p>"So, how are you, Luce? I mean, really, how are you?" I ask knowing he was struggling with the real world.</p><p>"Frustrated." He answers after a moment.</p><p>"I can imagine."</p><p>"Humans are just so..."</p><p>Arching my eyebrow and crossing my arms, I wait for his comment.</p><p>"Humans are so what?"</p><p>Glancing over at me, laughing nervously, "You were once human. I apologize."</p><p>"Mhmm." I hum through closed lips. Turning my body to the side, facing him with one knee bent on the seat, I rest my arm on the back of the bench before talking.</p><p>"Just be patient. It's going to take more than just a year for you to adjust. You were locked away for how long?" This earns a glare from him. "Not only that, the only thing you knew was hatred towards humanity. Maybe leaving to be on your own so soon wasn't the best idea."</p><p>"No. I needed to leave. It was time. You and Castiel needed your time alone. Besides, your family was just seeming to accept that I'd be around. I didn't want to do anything to make them mad and change their minds about me."</p><p>He turns to face me, mimicking how I am sitting with his elbow resting on the back of the bench and his head supported by his hand.</p><p>"I've been looking for a new vessel."</p><p>My attention is fully returned to him as he speaks.</p><p>"This one is weakening. It's only a matter of time before it breaks down."</p><p>Swallowing thickly as I chose my words carefully, I study his eyes.</p><p>"It will be empty." He reassures me. "I made you a promise. I'll never break it." He smiles.</p><p>Nodding my head in acknowledgment, I peek at the kids as they run to the slide. Knowing what I know and keeping it from him was weighing on me. Was I right to keep it from him?</p><p>"Luce," I begin, sitting up straight and looking down at my hands.</p><p>Concerned, he sits up straight. "What's wrong?"</p><p>With a deep breath, I begin.</p><p>"There's something I've been hiding from you."</p><p>A brow arches as he watches me intently.</p><p>"I know where your old vessel is being kept."</p><p>Lucifer's brows furrow in confusion.</p><p>"Nick's body?" He asks.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"What? How?"</p><p>"After I..." glancing off to the side uncomfortable with my choice of words, I change them. "After you died, your body was taken by a few of your loyal followers who then had it preserved and frozen."</p><p>"Why am I just now learning this?" There was irritation in his voice. He was upset and had every right to be.</p><p>"It was my choice to keep it from you. Castiel found it on a hunt a while back. He wanted to take it to you. I told him not to."</p><p>His face skewed and eyes narrowed as he listened to every word I spoke.</p><p>"I was afraid that if you were reunited with that body, your memories of your old life would resurface and..." I trailed off not wanting to think about what I feared.</p><p>"Angel, my old life will always be with me. Those memories, I see them every day. They didn't leave me just because I'm no longer in the vessel I committed so much havoc in."</p><p>"I know. It's just, I was scared." I began picking at my fingernails, a nervous habit that I thought I had kicked.</p><p>Looking away from me, grinding his teeth together to maintain his composure, he turned his body back to sitting normally on the bench.</p><p>The minutes passed by without him saying a word. The silence killing me I decide to break it.</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>Glancing at me but quickly staring straight ahead again, he shakes his head slowly.</p><p>"You don't trust me."</p><p>His voice was soft and broken.</p><p>"After all this time, you still don't trust me."</p><p>I could hear the pain in his voice. My actions hurt him and there was nothing I could do to take that back.</p><p>"It's not that I don't trust you, Luce. It's just..."</p><p>"It's what?" He quickly faced me. "It's what, Angel? What other reason would you keep that from me, knowing that Nick's body is the only vessel capable of containing me?"</p><p>He didn't mention Sam, his true vessel, and for this I was thankful. The thought of him taking over Sam was no longer a fear, so why was I so afraid of him taking Nick back?</p><p>"I was wrong. I won't lie, I sometimes dream that you're in your vessel again and it makes you crave the evilness. But that doesn't mean I don't trust you. It means I'm scared of losing you." I say quietly,  turning my body forward.</p><p>"Angel, we're connected. You can search and feel what I feel, know what I'm thinking if you truly wanted to. You would know I don't miss nor want that life back."</p><p>"We're not that closely connected, Lucifer. You know the only way for me to know exactly what you're thinking without you telling me is to be bonded."</p><p>He stared at the children, watching them climb the stairs and slide down the slide repeatedly.</p><p>"You can be bonded to more than one angel." He speaks quietly.</p><p>"No, you can't."</p><p>"Not in a way that you're thinking. Castiel has already claimed the bond that you two share. That can only be broken by death. But there is a way to be bonded to other angels, a stronger connection than what's held between all of the angels."</p><p>Staring at him as I focused on what he was saying, he continued.</p><p>"As you know, when you gave me your grace, it mixed with mine. Once I gave grace back to you, it was all entwined together. The exchange of grace can build a weak bond, more of a strong connection between the two who share the grace. Your bond with Castiel is as one. One grace, one soul. You two are one. Sharing grace with others creates a direct connection into their thoughts, emotions, and what their body feels."</p><p>"And you and I share that?"</p><p>"You, me, Castiel, Azriel, even Chuck." He answers.</p><p>"Chuck?!" My voice is louder than I intended due to my shock.</p><p>"When you were giving birth, Chuck pushed some of his grace into you and Azriel to help bring you back."</p><p>"How do you know this?"</p><p>"Every archangel knows when God gives grace."</p><p>"So, you have Chuck's grace within you now?" I asked not sure how to feel about that.</p><p>"I do. I haven't spoken about it, it's best to not bring it to anyone's attention because of who I am."</p><p>"Ya think? Lucifer sharing grace with God, I can only imagine how that would go down." I laugh nervously. "This whole thing is weird. Sharing grace with multiple angels and God?!" I exclaim.</p><p>"I don't know what to make of it." I look back at him.</p><p>Smiling, he takes my hand and squeezes it. The sentiment warmed my heart.</p><p>"It makes you the strongest out of all of us. A new breed of a celestial being. It makes you unique, special. It makes you, you."</p><p>"Stop with the mushy stuff. That isn't you." I laugh, pulling my hand away. "So, we share that grace now? Would that make you what I am?"</p><p>"No. Because our DNA is different. We still have our own grace; we just share that bonded grace. That's what I'm trying to explain."</p><p>"I wonder if Gabriel would want to exchange with me?" I think out loud.</p><p>Lucifer laughed nervously. "Why would you want that?"</p><p>"Because we're close. He's helped me in ways no one else would ever be able to understand."</p><p>"Grace isn't something you just go around exchanging with other angels. You share these multiple ones because it was necessary at the time. Although I'm sure if you asked, he'd be honored." He ended the comment quietly.</p><p>Thinking over the past few years, what I've been through, what he's been through, what everyone else has been through. I feel it's made us stronger, more united.</p><p>"Hey, why don't you and Abbie come over for dinner?"</p><p>A look of shock danced in his eyes before quickly covering it up with a smile.</p><p>"We don't eat, you know this."</p><p>"Yeah, you don't <em>need</em> to. That doesn't mean you can't." I shrugged.</p><p>"We'll be there." He smiles as he stands and heads towards Abigail. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Dinner Plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>An uneventful chapter but it adds to character and plot building.</em>
</p><p>Waking up just seconds before Azriel, he sits up quickly and turns towards me.</p><p>"Why did we wake up?"</p><p>"Because Luce is going to bring Abbie over so you two can actually play together. Would you like that?" I smile.</p><p>He squeals with glee as he scrambles to crawl down off of the bed. Laughing, I follow him to the door and unlock it so he can scurry down the hall into Abbie's room.</p><p>Heading to the kitchen I catch a glimpse of two figures walking up onto the porch. One tall, one child-sized. Opening the door I am greeted with Abigail throwing her arms around my waist in a tight hug.</p><p>"Thank you for letting me come play with Azzy." Her eyes sparkle with happiness.</p><p>"You're welcome here any time you'd like, Abbie." I smile hugging her back just before she runs off towards her room.</p><p>Looking up at Lucifer, his eyes glisten, reflecting the sunlight. The shadows of the porch made his already sharp jawline look even sharper. He look intimidating.</p><p>"Come on in." I stepped aside allowing him room to enter. "I wasn't expecting you to show up right away."</p><p>"Yeah, well, the second I asked Abigail if she wanted to come over, she was insistent on leaving right then."</p><p>"You get to help me in the kitchen then." I chuckle as I turn his body towards the kitchen and nudge him forward.</p><p>"Wait, you want <em>me</em> to cook?" He twisted his body around to look at me. I continued nudging him into the kitchen. "You do realize I have never cooked a thing in my life, right?"</p><p>"Yep, and yep. You'll learn today." I smile.</p><p>"Do you have a fire extinguisher handy?" He joked.</p><p>Gathering the items needed, I set pans on the stove and grabbed casserole dishes from the cabinet below the oven.</p><p>"Can't I just watch?"</p><p>Standing, setting everything on the counter, I washed my hands and I say,</p><p>"Nope. Now come here."</p><p>Moving so he's standing next to me he sets his palms on the counter waiting for directions.</p><p>"Wash your hands."</p><p>"Angel, we're always clean."</p><p>"Wash your hands, Lucifer." I demand in the Mom voice.</p><p>"The full name? Ok. Ok. I'm washing my hands." He says as he turns the water on and grabs the soap pump.</p><p>I begin opening noodles, packs of meat, cans, seasonings, sauces, and preparing the ingredients.</p><p>"Alright, what do I do now?"</p><p>"The meat, take that and put it in the frying pan. Add just a little of each of these seasonings. Cook it until it's browned."</p><p>I filled a pot with water and set it on the stove to boil.</p><p>Throughout the cooking process, I taught him various things. He caught on quickly. Grabbing the pot of boiling noodles, he turns towards the sink as I turn back towards the stove. Running directly into one another, the boiling water splashes out and all over my arms. Screaming out in pain, I drop everything in my hands as he quickly sets the pot down on the counter.</p><p>Leaning over the sink feeling my skin burn and quickly blister, I reach for the cold water to run over the burns. Lucifer stops me, grabbing my arms and turning me towards him.</p><p>"Coldwater will only help while it's under the water. Heal yourself."</p><p>Looking up at him with tears in my eyes, I concentrate on the burning in each arm. Gradually the pain begins to fade away as I watch the redness and blistering disappear.</p><p>"I panicked, I'm sorry." I begin apologizing.</p><p>"No. It was my fault that you got hurt, I should have been watching what I was doing." He slid his hands up to the spots on my arms where the water burned me, rubbing his thumbs gently over the spots as he looks down.</p><p>"I'm ok now, Luce. Things like this happen sometimes."</p><p>Slowly looking up, his eyes are filled with guilt.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Angel."</p><p>Pulling my arms away from him, I grab his shoulders and pull him to me for a hug. Wrapping his long arms around my shoulders, he leans down and hugs me close.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He repeated.</p><p>Before I could respond someone cleared their voice to make their presence known. Pulling away from Lucifer, I turn towards the voice to find Gabriel standing near the table.</p><p>"Gabe!" I exclaim as I hurry over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and squeezing him.</p><p>"Hey, Angie." He smiles as we break our hug.</p><p>"Can you stay for a while this time?" I ask hopefully.</p><p>Gabriel glances over to Lucifer but quickly back to me.</p><p>"Yes, sugar, I'll stay for a while. What are we cooking?" He asks gesturing towards the stove.</p><p>Lucifer turns his attention back to the pot, pouring the water and noodles into the straining basket.</p><p>"Dinner. I'm teaching Luce some things." I smile, moving back to Lucifer's side. I rinse the noodles and toss them back into the pot and have him adding the sauce and meat and place them back on the stove to warm together.</p><p>"Lucifer cooking. I never thought I'd ever see this." Gabriel chuckles.</p><p>Narrowing my eyes at Gabriel, I point my wooden spoon at him and warn,</p><p>"Do you want to be next?"</p><p>"I've been in the kitchen with you, I'm not stepping on your toes." He laughed as he raised his hands in defense.</p><p>"She's a great teacher." Lucifer smiles at me warmly.</p><p>Gabriel narrowed his eyes, reading Lucifer as my back is turned spreading sauce in the bottom of the casserole dish.</p><p>"Anything I can do?" Gabriel asks moving closer.</p><p>"Nope. You can go say hi to the kids. I know they'll be excited to see you. They're in Abbie's room." I suggest.</p><p>Smiling, he heads off to see the children.</p><p>"Maybe I should leave." Lucifer says quietly.</p><p>Shocked by his comment I look up at him in confusion. "What? Why?"</p><p>"I don't think Gabriel is too thrilled that I'm here."</p><p>Shrugging him off, I turn back to the dish as I speak,</p><p>"Stop worrying about what people think so much."</p><p>"I don't want anyone to go back to hating me."</p><p>Gesturing for him to hand me the pot he recently mixed the noodles, meat, and sauce in, I slowly began pouring it into the dish.</p><p>"You're Lucifer, since when do you care what people think?" Gabriel asks from behind us.</p><p>Spreading the noodles evenly, I turned to Gabriel and shot him a warning stare.</p><p>"Maybe it's time you and I finally have a heart-to-heart." Gabriel suggested looking at Lucifer.</p><p>Glancing at me and back at Gabriel, he sighed and nodded wiping his hands on my towel and exiting the room with Gabriel.</p><p><em>Gabriel, you'd better not start anything.</em> I warn silently. My warning goes unanswered.</p><p>Adding the rest of the ingredients and topping the casserole with a thick layer of cheese, I open the oven and slide the dish in.</p><p>***</p><p>An hour later I am back in the kitchen taking the dish out of the oven and placing it on the stove to cool, setting the table while I waited.</p><p>
  <em>Luce, Gabe, time to head in.</em>
</p><p>Gabriel and Lucifer both appear in front of me instantly. Looking over the both of them, satisfied that they were both unscathed, I turn towards the stove to grab the dish.</p><p>"Luce, grab the kids, would you?"</p><p>As soon as Lucifer disappears, Gabriel is at my side.</p><p>"Angie, please guard yourself around him."</p><p>Looking at him in confusion, I set the dish in the middle of the table.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Be careful, he's in de..." He abruptly stopped when he heard footsteps running down the hall.</p><p>"Gabriel, what's going on?" I asked.</p><p>"Never mind." He turned his attention to the table, gesturing towards the food.</p><p>"This smells amazing." He states.</p><p>Eyeing him suspiciously, I slowly nod. He knows I'm going to pry him for information later, but for now, I put it behind us and greet the kids with smiles.</p><p>"Do you kiddo's want to eat?" I ask as I dished out portions of food on each plate.</p><p>"It smells so good, Angel." Abigail praised.</p><p>"Yes, Momma, it smells yummy." Azriel rubbed his hands together.</p><p>Placing a plate in front of each of them, I picked up Lucifer's and Gabriel's plates and did the same.</p><p>"Angel, do you have any of your juice?" Abigail asks as I sit down next to Gabriel.</p><p>Gabriel is on one side of the table next to Azriel. Lucifer is on the other side next to Abigail. I placed my plate at the end of the table, sitting between both of the children. Rising to my feet, I smile knowing exactly what she's wanting.</p><p>Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, I open the fridge and grab the pitcher of freshly squeezed lemonade that I made previous to Castiel leaving earlier that day. Pouring everyone's glasses, I turned and gave the kids their glasses first.</p><p>Abigail's eyes lit up with joy when I placed the glass in front of her. She excitedly reached for her glass, bouncing in her seat as she picked it up. Chuckling, I grabbed Gabriel's and Lucifer's and handed theirs to them. Sitting down with my glass, I began eating as we talked about our daily lives.</p><p>Towards the end of dinner, everyone's basically done eating, Azriel asks if they can go back to playing.</p><p>"That's very respectful of you to ask to leave the table first." Gabriel stated with a big smile to Azriel.</p><p>Azriel flashed a big toothy smile back at Gabriel and turned his attention back to me.</p><p>"Yes, dear." I answer him.</p><p>"Can we play out on the porch?" Abigail asks.</p><p>I look at Gabriel for his opinion. "Is it safe?" I asked.</p><p>"Yes, but I'll fly up and scope out the area and make sure warding and sigils are still in place. I'd like to keep an eye on them just to be safe, anyway."</p><p>"I'll come with you." Lucifer offers rising to his feet.</p><p>Gabriel eyes him for a moment then nods as they both vanish.</p><p>"Why don't you guys go clean up the room before you head outside to play?"</p><p>With everyone outside, I begin clearing the table and cleaning the kitchen. Rinsing the dishes before putting them into the soapy water, I grabbed my sponge and began washing. Quietly humming to myself as I allowed my mind to wander off to Castiel and my brothers hoping they were safe. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Family</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hands were on my hips slowly sliding around me as a body pressed against my back. Leaning back into the strong arms, lips grazed my neck as I breathed in Castiel's scent. Turning the water off, drying my hands quickly, I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck staring into his eyes.</p><p>"I thought you'd be away for a while?" I asked.</p><p>Hearing the impala roaring in the distance, my eyes widened with excitement.</p><p>"Is that them?"</p><p>Smiling, he nodded as he watched my excitement grow.</p><p>"Sam wanted to come by for a few hours. There's a job two towns over. They miss you, Angel."</p><p>Hearing car doors slam closed, I broke the embrace Castiel and I had and ran out the front door. Hopping down the stairs, I lunged myself into Sam's arms, wrapping my legs around his waist. Stumbling backward to gain his balance from the impact he wrapped his free arm around me, setting the bag he was carrying down and hugging me.</p><p>"Well, hello, Angie." He laughed.</p><p>Allowing myself to fall from his arms, I hurried to Dean as he rounded the car. Holding his hands up, he stepped backward and shook his head.</p><p>"Don't jump on me."</p><p>I stopped, concern filling me. Looking him over, I notice his ribs are wrapped. He grabbed my arm and pulled me in for a hug. I ease my arms around him, hugging him gently.</p><p>"What happened?" I asked as I placed my hand on his chest, pushing my grace into him.</p><p>Taking a deep breath as my grace pushed the air from his lungs, he steps back and looks down at me.</p><p>"I wouldn't let Cas do that, what are you doing?" he grunted.</p><p>"Why wouldn't you allow Cas to heal you?"</p><p>"Because I earned this."</p><p>"A werewolf got the drop on him." Sam answered my next question before I asked it.</p><p>"How?" I asked confused. Dean was always alert, never letting anything sneak upon them.</p><p>"What's done is done. Move on." Dean snapped as he walked by me.</p><p>I turned to Sam who was shaking his head.</p><p>"Sammy, what happened?" I asked quietly.</p><p>"Cas was warding off two demons, I was fighting off another, Dean was running after one that got away. As he ran past a room, he was blind-sighted."</p><p>"Demons and werewolves working together?" I asked as we made our way into the house.</p><p>When I walked in, I found Castiel on the floor with Azriel and Abigail crawling all over him. Dean was sitting in the recliner, Gabriel and Lucifer were sitting on the couch talking.</p><p>I immediately went to the kitchen and grabbed a cold beer for Dean.</p><p>"Hey," I offered him the beer.</p><p>Nodding at me, he took it and opened it.</p><p>"Thanks, Ange."</p><p>"Wanna go for a walk?" I gestured towards the front door.</p><p>Sighing, he stood and headed outside.</p><p>"Cas, I'll be with Dean."</p><p>Castiel looked up from his wrestling match with the kids and nodded, knowing we needed space.</p><p>Walking across the pasture towards my spot within the trees, I waited for him to speak first.</p><p>"I messed up, Ange."</p><p>"Start from the beginning." I suggested.</p><p>"We got a call about strange activity and children found dead with missing hearts. Castiel scouted ahead of us, when he was certain where the werewolf was, we met up. When we got there, we  were attacked by demons from every side. One of them broke free and took off up the stairs after a child screamed." His face was blank, he swallowed thickly as he relived the scene. "All I could think about was getting to that child, Ange. I dropped my guard and made a beeline towards the screaming. I wasn't checking my right or left, I was staring straight ahead. That's when the damn thing leaped out of a room throwing me into the wall."</p><p>"Ok? We've had things like that happen often. What's so different about this one?"</p><p>"I was too late. I didn't get to her in time."</p><p>Oh. This was going to take some time to deal with.</p><p>"Ok. I know it sucks; it hurts. But, Dean, you didn't fail. We can't save them all, remember? What you did do was save anyone else from getting hurt."</p><p>"You didn't hear her screams, Ange." he said quietly.</p><p>We reached the opening in the woods and I conjured a wooden swing for us to sit on. Dean looked around at the surroundings and nodded, impressed.</p><p>"So, this is where you run off to when you disappear?" He asks.</p><p>Sitting on the swing, I pat beside me for him to sit down.</p><p>"It's peaceful here. Quiet."</p><p>He sat next to me, leaning back into the swing as it moved back and forth from the weight of us.</p><p>"Why don't you guys come home for a little bit? Take a break."</p><p>"No. There's a case two towns over. Vamps. I think it's a big nest. We're going in tonight.</p><p>We sat in the swing for hours talking. We ended up reminiscing about when we were younger, laughing at old memories. Feeling a tingle in the back of my head, I opened my mind to whoever was wanting in.</p><p><em>You doing ok, Angel?</em> Castiel asked.</p><p>-<em>Yes. I've got him calmed down now.</em></p><p>
  <em>Ok. Just checking in. We're taking the kids outback if you want to meet us there.</em>
</p><p>Rising to my feet, I motion for Dean to get up.</p><p>"Come on, they're bringing the kids out back."</p><p>Following me back through the pasture watching as they were all tossing a ball back and forth, laughing, Dean smirked.</p><p>Raising his hands, he gestured at Sam to throw the ball towards him. Catching it, he stopped mid-step and threw it back, and proceeded walking.</p><p>"I remember throwing the ball around with you guys when I was little." I smiled.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah. It didn't happen often so when it did, I cherished it."</p><p>"You had a shitty childhood. I'm sorry we couldn't give you better." He looked around, anywhere but me.</p><p>"Dean, no. It wasn't your responsibility to see that my childhood was normal, good, or not. You put way too much on yourself. Stop doing that. Let us carry you for once." Dean stopped and pulled me into a hug before reaching everyone.</p><p>"Thanks, Ange." He smiled and ran off towards Sam who began tossing the ball back and forth between him and Dean.</p><p>"Hey." Castiel greeted me as I stood next to him. He slid his arm around me as we watched the kids playing.</p><p>Sam and Dean were in front of us tossing the ball back and forth. Gabriel and Lucifer were off to the left of us talking and watching everything as well. This made me happy. Watching my extended family together filled my heart with so much joy and happiness.</p><p>Abigail looked back at me and waved. I waved back as she stood and ran over to me. Kneeling to her level, she wrapped her arms around my neck in a hug and whispered in my ear,</p><p>"This is my family picture."</p><p>Pulling away from her, I looked into her eyes as she was beaming with happiness and love.</p><p>"This is what you drew, isn't it?"</p><p>Nodding her head with a smile, she giggled and hugged me again. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight. Glancing up I noticed Lucifer watching us, smiling, with so much love in his eyes. The way this little girl has changed him, she will never understand. She will never fully understand just how much she saved her daddy. She pulled away from me and ran back to Azriel to continue playing.</p><p>Castiel helped me stand, slipping his arm around my waist, he pulled me back against his chest. Nuzzling his nose in my neck, I shivered as he sent chills down my spine.</p><p>"I wish things could stay like this forever. This is perfect." I reach my arm back and around his neck, turning to give him access to my lips.</p><p>"It's perfect because you're here." He smiled as his lips landed on mine.</p><p>"Come on! Get a room!"</p><p>Breaking apart, I look to see Dean standing with his hands on his hips forcing a disgusted look.</p><p>Laughing, we all headed back into the house so the boys could get ready for their next hunt.</p><p>"How long will you be gone this time?" I asked as Sam tossed some clean clothes into a new duffle bag.</p><p>"Not sure. After this nest, we head West."</p><p>"Yeah, there's been rumors of people's wishes coming true. Like, everyone wishes no matter how crazy it is." Dean chimed in.</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, intrigued, I begin to suggest something but was interrupted.</p><p>"No. You're not coming." Dean decided.</p><p>"Why not? It sounds like an interesting case." I argued.</p><p>"Who's going to be here with Em?" Sam asked.</p><p>"Well, Lucifer could,"</p><p>"No." Dean was standing his ground on this one.</p><p>"Why not?" I crossed my arms, narrowing my eyes.</p><p>"Because, Ange, Em needs you here."</p><p>"Dean,"</p><p>"Angel, Dean's right. I'd never forgive myself if you went out there and he lost his mother. He needs his mother." Castiel stepped in.</p><p>Rolling my eyes at the guys sticking together I dropped the argument for the sake of Azriel.</p><p>"It just seemed interesting, that's all." I shrugged.</p><p>"Maybe on a different hunt but right now, you'd be in the middle of a vamp nest before we even got to the wishing well hunt and I'm not taking that risk." Dean said as he walked out the door.</p><p>"Well, guys, it was nice seeing you." Gabriel followed Sam outside onto the porch.</p><p>"Yeah, you, too." Sam smiled.</p><p>"Cas, are you staying?" I asked turning to him as he walked out onto the porch.</p><p>"I'll be back after the wishing well hunt." He promises as he kisses me goodbye.</p><p>He kneels and gives both kids hugs, telling them he loves them before heading to the Impala with Sam and Dean.</p><p>"I love you guys." I called out to them, each of them yelling it back to me.</p><p>Gabriel stepped up beside me as I watched them drive away until I couldn't see the car anymore. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Deadly Charades</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next day Castiel contacted me to let me know the vamp nest was successfully taken care of and they were now in a motel halfway to the next job. They had about another day's drive.</p><p>I busied myself around the house, played with Azriel, and rearranged the living room. Lucifer and Abigail were coming over soon so the kids could play.</p><p>"Hey, kiddo." Gabriel popped in behind me causing me to jump.</p><p>"If you guys don't stop sneaking up on me." I growled as he pulled me in for a hug.</p><p>"Sorry, kiddo. Balthazar has a friend over so I made myself scarce, I don't wanna hear all that." He exaggerated a shiver.</p><p>"Good, you're in time to play games with Luce and me!" I smile.</p><p>"He's coming back over?"</p><p>"Yeah. The kids want to play. I decided we're going to play games."</p><p>Gabriel laughs.</p><p>"Luci doesn't play games."</p><p>"Well, he will tonight." I grin.</p><p>"This should be interesting."</p><p>"Angel!" Lucifer and Abigail appeared and Abigail was running towards me, arms wide open.</p><p>I knelt so she could run into my arms. Wrapping them around her, I picked her up and bear-hugged her before letting her run off to Azriel's room.</p><p>"She adores you." Gabriel smiled.</p><p>"Good, because I love the heck out of her."</p><p>Lucifer smiled at my remark before he said hello.</p><p>I clapped my hands together once, "So, Luce, I have plans for us tonight."</p><p>Raising an eyebrow, he looks from me to Gabriel.</p><p>"This sounds like trouble."</p><p>"Oh, it is. And I'm going to watch every second of it." Gabriel laughed.</p><p>Lucifer's face scrunched as he waited for me to explain.</p><p>"We're having a game night." I beamed.</p><p>"Um, come again?"</p><p>Gabriel chuckled.</p><p>"Game Night. We're playing games. And now that Gabe's here, he's playing, too."</p><p>"Ok, so, here's the thing." Lucifer started.</p><p>"No. You're playing."</p><p>With a deep sigh, he slouched his shoulders in defeat.</p><p>"What are we playing?" He asked grimly.</p><p>"What? That's it? It was that easy? Luci, you're getting soft." Gabriel poked fun at Lucifer.</p><p>"Shut up." Lucifer glared.</p><p>Ignoring the banter between the two, I continued.</p><p>"I thought we could try a go at charades." I suggested.</p><p>Gabriel's eyes lit up in amusement.</p><p>"What do we have to do for that?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"Ok, so I'll pull up one of the apps that give random suggestions and we try to act out whatever the word is without actually talking."</p><p>Lucifer's face was filled with confusion.</p><p>"I don't follow."</p><p>"Ok, here, Gabe and I will demonstrate." I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, opened the app, and tapped on Find a Word. Looking at the word, I closed the app and set my phone down. Thinking for a moment, I held my hand up as if I were holding a hat and tipped my head forward. When Gabriel didn't catch onto the clue, I raised my leg up as if I were mounting a horse and held my hands in front of me as if I were holding onto reigns.</p><p>"Sumo wrestler?" Gabriel guessed causing me to fall into a fit of laughter.</p><p>Shaking my head no, I began galloping around the room, swinging my arm in the air as if I were swinging a lasso.</p><p>"Cowboy!"</p><p>"Yes!" I said pointing at him laughing.</p><p>"What the hell was that?" Lucifer asked in amusement.</p><p>"That, my brother, is charades." Gabriel chuckled.</p><p>"Ok. Ok. Gabe, you go next. Luce, now we compete to see who can guess what he is first. The first person to guess it gets a point."</p><p>"This is a human game?"</p><p>Laughing, I narrowed my eyes at him before answering.</p><p>"It's a way to have fun."</p><p>"Ok. Let's try this."</p><p>Gabriel used my phone to get a word. Setting it down, he began acting it out. He was bouncing back and forth, punching the air every so often.</p><p>"You look ridiculous." Lucifer laughed.</p><p>Gabriel stood still and stared at him.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"He's not allowed to talk. Guess!" I demanded. Turning back to Gabriel I guessed, "Rabbit?"</p><p>He shook his head no.</p><p>"Easter bunny?"</p><p>"Boxer?"</p><p>"Dancer?"</p><p>"Kangaroo?"</p><p>Gabriel pointed at me and hollered, "Finally!"</p><p>"Alright, Luce." I smiled handing him my phone.</p><p>Rolling his eyes, he took the phone and tapped the screen. He stared at the screen then slowly looked up at me.</p><p>"What?" I asked. "Did the app freeze?" I grabbed my phone and looked at the screen. When I noticed the screen, my eyes widened.</p><p>"Luce, that's too funny." I laughed.</p><p>"What? What is it?" Gabriel walked forward.</p><p>"Luce's word was 'Devil'." I held my phone out so Gabriel could see it.</p><p>The two of us laughed, Lucifer chuckled but didn't find much humor in it.</p><p>"Just tap it again for a new word." I handed the phone back to him and moved back to where I was standing.</p><p>"Can I touch you guys?" He asked before starting.</p><p>"Yeah." Gabriel answered.</p><p>Nodding his understanding, he grabbed me, laid on the floor, and pulled me down. Looking at him confused, he turned my body so our bodies formed a 'T' and pulled me back onto his stomach.</p><p>"Cuddling?" Gabriel asked narrowing his eyes.</p><p>Lucifer shook his head no.</p><p>Confused as to what he was doing, I adjusted so I was a bit more comfortable, my head on his stomach. It wasn't as comfortable as before. Realizing what he was doing, I jumped up.</p><p>"Pillow!" I yelled.</p><p>Smiling, he rose to his feet.</p><p>"You got it."</p><p>Gabriel's eyebrow raised as he watched us.</p><p>"Alright, my turn again."</p><p>This game went on for a few hours, well into the night.</p><p>"Alright, Angie, your turn." Gabriel smiled.</p><p>Tapping my phone, I looked at the screen but my vision blurred. Squeezing my eyes closed and opening them seemed to help. Seeing the word, I set the phone down and faced Lucifer and Gabriel. A sharp pain shot through my chest causing my hand to instinctively try to hold it. The guys were spitting out guesses, I shook my head trying to make them understand that I wasn't playing. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Treasure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not able to breathe, I fell to my knees gasping for air.  A sharp pain in my stomach caused me to  doubled over, falling to the ground. My lungs burned with each breath I tried to breathe in.</p><p>Lucifer and Gabriel were still throwing out guesses. I rolled over and lay there staring at the space under the couch feeling wetness run from the side of my mouth.</p><p>"Alright, Angie, you got us. What are you?" Gabriel grabbed my phone to look at the screen. He looked up at Lucifer and then down at me with concern.</p><p>"What?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"She's supposed to be a dog." He dropped the phone and hit his knees beside me.</p><p>Rolling me to my side, Lucifer was down on his knees as soon as he saw the puddle of blood under my mouth.</p><p>"Angel," He shook me.</p><p>"Angie, what's wrong?" Gabriel asked in a panic.</p><p>I could feel my insides pulling apart. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. The ache in my heart knew what was happening.</p><p>"Cas." I choked out.</p><p>"Cas?" Lucifer's face skewed up in confusion.</p><p>"Cas is hurt." Gabriel realized as he looked up at Lucifer. "Stay with her. Don't let her lay on her back, keep her on her side so she doesn't choke." He rose to his feet and vanished.</p><p>Lucifer closed off the kids' bedroom so they couldn't hear anything. He slid down, leaning against the couch, and pulled me into his arms.</p><p>"Don't you dare die on me, Angel."</p><p>I stare up at him, unable to speak. Tears slowly began to fall from my eyes and roll down the side of my face.</p><p>"Gabe's looking for him. He'll find him. Just hang on, hold on tight." He urged me.</p><p>Closing my eyes, I concentrated on Castiel's grace. I pushed mine outward, pulling at his, trying to pull him back from the brink. I pushed forward, into him, trying to feel him. It was cold. Pulling at his grace again, I felt a tug. He was tugging back, he was fighting it.</p><p>What happened to him? What hurt him this badly?</p><p>I opened my mind.</p><p><em>Cas? Please hold on. Don't leave me.</em> I begged.</p><p>The tugging began to weaken. I held on even tighter.</p><p>
  <em>I'm sorry, Angel. I love you guys.</em>
</p><p>After hearing those words something inside of me snapped. The pain was so agonizing that I screamed out.</p><p>Lucifer pulled me tighter into his arms, cradling me as he tried consoling me. Burying my head in his chest I gasped for air as I broke down crying.</p><p>Gabriel appeared with Castiel's body cradled against him. Rushing to his side as he lay him on the couch, I threw myself over his body begging for him to come back to me. I fisted his shirt in my hand, squeezing it tight as if I were holding onto him for dear life.  I can't lose him. Our life was just beginning. My every being ached as it felt like my lungs were filling with cement.</p><p>I could hear the commotion in the background. Voices. Someone talking, telling someone to stay back. I didn't care, I ignored it all. Holding onto Castiel's body, willing for him to return to it.</p><p>"Momma?"</p><p>That word cut through my soul.</p><p>"Momma?" Azriel was slowly approaching me but my vision was so blurry from the tears, he wouldn't come into focus.</p><p>"Angel, I'm sorry, he tore down the barrier I had up to hide this from them." Lucifer apologized.</p><p>Knowing Azriel would have felt his father dying no matter what barrier, warding, or spell was cast, I held my arms out for him. Climbing into my lap, he looked down at Castiel. His eyes were so sad, the look on his face broke my heart even more. I began crying again, even harder this time around.</p><p>Azriel looked at me, placed a hand on my chest and I felt the warmth of his grace burning beneath it. He placed his hand on Castiel's chest, the same glow beneath his hand. Looking at Lucifer he asked for help.</p><p>"Please?"</p><p>Lucifer looked at him questioningly.</p><p>"What do you need, buddy?" He asked kneeling next to us.</p><p>"Help." He gestured to Castiel's body with his head.</p><p>Lucifer looked at me then at Castiel. His eyes were just as sad as Azriel's. Looking at me once more, he lowered his gaze and placed a hand on Castiel's chest, his red grace glowing beneath.</p><p>"Gabe, please?" Azriel looked at Gabriel.</p><p>Without question, he kneeled with us placing his hand on Castiel's chest, his golden grace glowing beneath his hand.</p><p>Azriel's grace began glowing brighter and brighter. My chest was warming at a rapid speed. The warm sensation soon became unbearably hot. Wincing in pain, I looked at Azriel who was focused on Castiel. Each of their hands surged with energy dancing around it. All at once, the energy from each hand shot into Castiel's body causing his chest to rise dramatically. I was overwhelmed with dizziness before I blacked out.</p><p>***</p><p>Waking up in my bed, I looked around confused unsure of how I got there.</p><p>"She's awake."</p><p>I heard someone say just before footsteps rush down the hall and into my room.</p><p>Gabriel and Lucifer stood at the end of my bed.</p><p>"Hey, kiddo." Gabriel smiled.</p><p>"Hey." Lucifer smiled, nudging my foot.</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>"Well, your son is a badass, that's what happened." Gabriel beamed.</p><p>"Why don't we just show you." Lucifer said walking to the side of my bed helping me out.</p><p>They walked me down the hall where the memories began to flood back. Castiel laying on the couch, dead. Our bond completely severed. Feeling my heartbreak all over again, the hallway opened into the living room revealing an empty couch.</p><p>The puddle of blood on the carpet that now is no longer there. Gasping for air as if my lungs were being squeezed between a vice.</p><p>Narrowing my eyes in confusion, I looked at Gabriel and Lucifer who continued to the front door. When we stepped out onto the porch, I saw the kids playing in the front yard, laughing and having fun. Lucifer stepped away from me opening up my view on the left side where I found Castiel sitting on the porch swing.</p><p>Gasping in shock, I ran to him, pulling him up off of the swing and into my arms. Holding him close to me, never wanting to let him go again.</p><p>"How? You were gone. Our bond is broken." I asked confused.</p><p>Smiling, Castiel gestured towards Azriel who stopped playing for a second to look back at us. He smiled and waved.</p><p>"Azriel did this?"</p><p>"With the help of all of you, from what I can see in his memories. We'll get our bond back so you're back to 100% as soon as my body is back to 100%. It won't take long."</p><p>Squeezing him tight, not letting him go for minutes upon minutes, I felt the emotions wash over me. Unable to hold it in and control it anymore I began crying into the crook of his neck. Burying my face as deep as it can go, I sobbed.</p><p>"When will we ever have a chance to just live without fear?" I questioned out loud to no one in particular.</p><p>Castiel pulled away from me to look into my eyes. I could hear the impala in the distance and see the cloud of dust it kicked up behind it.</p><p>"Hey, Abigail, let's go, Sweetie." Lucifer calls out to Abigail.</p><p>"But I wanna play, daddy."</p><p>"We'll come back soon; I promise. Right now Angel needs some time with her family." He tried to explain.</p><p>Abigail walked to the steps looking confused. "But we are her family."</p><p>Lucifer looked at her apologetically.</p><p>Castiel let me go, reaching for Lucifer. Lucifer turned at the feeling of a hand on his arm.</p><p>"She's right. You guys are family. Stay."</p><p>Lucifer's eyes widened in shock for a moment but quickly blinked it away, nodding with a smile. Instead of leaving, he walked Abigail back to the yard where she was playing with Azriel and sat down with them.</p><p>The Impala skidded to a stop throwing dirt and dust in its wake. Both doors were opened and slammed closed before I could blink. Reaching the steps with worry written all over their faces, Sam and Dean falter as they see Castiel standing with me.</p><p>Dean's brows furrowed as he looked from me to Castiel in complete confusion. Sam's expression mimicking Dean's.</p><p>"I don't understand." Sam said.</p><p>Dean ascended the stairs onto the porch.</p><p>"You were dead. Like, dead, dead." He said poking Castiel making both of us chuckle.</p><p>"Wait, how long was I out?" Grabbing Castiel's arm in the realization the boys had to have been driving for at least two days to get back from the West coast.</p><p>"A day and a half." Gabriel answered from behind us. He was leaning against the house.</p><p>My eyes narrowed as I thought about everything that happened. Turning back towards Sam and Dean I asked them,</p><p>"Guys, what happened?"</p><p>"He died, that's what happened! How is he standing here like he was never with us?" Dean was beginning to panic.</p><p>"I'm not sure how it happened. Azriel was in my lap. He had his hand on my chest and one on Cas. He asked for Gabe and Lucifer to help us. There was glowing from everyone's palms, a bright light, and then I don't remember anything else." I shrugged looking at Gabriel who stood straight on both legs.</p><p>"You blacked out. Whatever Azriel was doing, he was pulling the most from you. Just moments after you blacked out Castiel began to stir, shocking all of us. He slowly sat up completely confused, Arzriel hugged him, tapped your head, and then just ran off back to playing with Abigail like it was just a clean-up job. Angel, that boy is a gift, a treasure." </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Genie's & Accusations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After everyone giving their parts of what happened, the story came together but then a different problem surfaced.</p><p>After the wishing well job, the guys stumbled on a djinn family. During the hunt, they were all separated while chasing two alfas. Castiel was captured, beaten, tied up, poisoned, and the blood drained.</p><p>"Ange, I dropped the ball again. I'm so sorry." Dean apologized for the hundredth time during the conversation.</p><p>"It wasn't just you, Dean. I lost him, too." Sam stepped in.</p><p>"Guys," Castiel started. "You didn't lose me. I ran off chasing them. You're not there to babysit me, don't look at this like that. We were working a job and I was captured by the monsters."</p><p>Sam and Dean both look between Castiel and I with guilt-filled eyes.</p><p>"Maybe you guys should take a break." I broke into their conversation.</p><p>Sam and Dean turned to look at me at the same time.</p><p>"We can't." Sam sighed.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Castiel shifted in his chair next to me drawing my attention to him.</p><p>"They're going to help me with something." He spoke so quietly that I had to have him repeat it.</p><p>"I was contacted by Hanna."</p><p>Watching him with furrowed brows as he shifted uncomfortably, I waited for him to continue.</p><p>"Heaven's corrupted and she asked for my help in finding the corrupted angels."</p><p>Crossing my arms, sitting back in my chair, I waited for more of an explanation.</p><p>Sam and Dean quietly rose to their feet and left the room, followed by Gabriel.</p><p>Castiel sighed and looked up at me, noticing the unhappy expression on my face, he continued.</p><p>"She contacted me during the vamp hunt."</p><p>Leaning forward narrowing my eyes at him,</p><p>"That was weeks ago."</p><p>"I know." Avoiding my eyes, picking at his fingers, he looked everywhere but me.</p><p>"Is this the first time she's contacted you?"</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Raising an eyebrow at the obvious answer, I answered for him.</p><p>"So, no. Ok. Why am I just hearing about this?"</p><p>"Because I know you don't like her."</p><p>"Of course, I don't like her, she came on to you! She kissed you! You kissed her!"</p><p>"That was before you and I were together, this still bothers you?"</p><p>"You know it does, otherwise you'd have told me right after your conversation, the first time."</p><p>"She knows we're married; we're bonded."</p><p>"Are we though? Yeah, marriage means a great deal to me because I know what the human meaning of it is. But her? She's not going to give a crap, especially now that our bond has been broken."</p><p>I could feel the anxiety rising in my chest. My heart was racing, my breathing was quickening. Thoughts of her back in the picture messed with my mind.</p><p>"Bond or not, I'm still yours, Angel. I love you; no one will ever be able to change that."</p><p>"Please don't go. I just got you back."</p><p>He stood quiet for a moment then opened his mouth to speak, but quickly turned away from me as his head twitched.</p><p>"We will be rebonded." He said almost coldly.</p><p>Rising to my feet, I looked at him as he spoke.</p><p>"You need Chuck to be bonded." I glared, grinding my teeth.</p><p>"There's someone else who has the power to do so." He said looking at the ground.</p><p>Trying to calm my breathing and steady the anger in my voice, I ask, "How long will this job take?"</p><p>"We don't know. A few months a best."</p><p>So, he'll be working side-by-side, day in and day out with Hanna for a few months. Nodding, I crossed my arms and began the process of building the walls that he broke into all those years ago.</p><p>"And how do my brother's fit into this job of yours?"</p><p>"They're going to be looking for and following any leads that I send down to them."</p><p>"Send down." I repeated. "So, you're not even going to be with my brothers, you'll be up there."</p><p>His silence confirmed my statement but he held my stare as if he didn't care.</p><p>"You're still planning on leaving even after you just died?"</p><p>"Angel, I have to."</p><p>The anger getting the best of me, it exploded within me. Reacting, I pushed the explosion out of me causing Castiel to fly back into the wall.</p><p>Throwing my arms in the air, I began yelling.</p><p>"You don't <em>have</em> to do anything! They cast you out! They shunned you. They abandoned you. They turned their backs on you and the first time they call for help you go running back like a lovesick puppy."</p><p>"I don't have feelings for her!" He retorted.</p><p>"I never accused you of that, now did I? But, funny how that's your defense. Maybe there's something you need to tell me?" I crossed my arms and waited.</p><p>"Me? Tell you? If anyone had anything to tell someone it would be you." He growled accusingly.</p><p>Uncrossing my arms, shifting on my feet in anger with a raised brow, I asked,</p><p>"What are you referring to?"</p><p>"You and Lucifer." He deadpanned, staring right through me.</p><p>"You can't be serious." I scoffed.</p><p>"Dead serious." He glared at me as he rose to his feet.</p><p>"You think I have romantic feelings towards Lucifer? Are you kidding me? You would know if I began feeling anything romantically for someone else! I don't know how to control the grace like you." I rebutted.</p><p>"Ok. Maybe you don't have feelings for him but he does for you and you keep him around, why?"</p><p>"Lucifer doesn't have feelings for me. Not like that." I said more to myself than him.</p><p>Does he? No. There's no way, we're just close. Right? Why is this even a question in my mind right now?</p><p>"See, you're questioning it. Things are beginning to piece together and make you question it, aren't they?" He seethed.</p><p>His anger catching me off guard, I looked at him in shock momentarily but my anger resurfacing at his tone, narrowing my eyes and clenching my fists, I spoke, quiet but sharp.</p><p>"Let's say he does, and this is a big IF. He has never once come on to me. He has never once made an advance towards or even hinted at having feelings for me. Even all this time we've spent hanging out alone, he has never once, not once, Castiel, has he ever tried to kiss me. So, you can take your accusations and shove them up your ass because all you're doing is trying to deflect the fact that you're in the wrong here."</p><p>I stood breathing heavily as my anger slowly turned into emotional pain. Looking at him stare at me, reading my face, my expressions. His eyes fell to the ground as he turned his body to walk away. Before he could take a step, I appeared in front of him startling him.</p><p>"Let Heaven find someone else to do this job." I quietly state.</p><p>He looked into my eyes, reading my thoughts and feelings. Sighing as he dropped his shoulders, he took my hand and said,</p><p>"I'm sorry."</p><p>Dropping my hand, he stepped around me and began walking away. Holding back the tears welling up, fighting back the burning sensation in the back of my throat, I turned around and said,</p><p>"Cas, if you leave, if you go to her after what just happened to you... between us just now... there won't be an us to come back to."</p><p>I could see his jaw clenching as he gritted his teeth, he glared at me.</p><p>"I wish you could understand."</p><p>Taking a step forward I replied,</p><p>"The only thing I understand right now is you willing to throw us away for a shot to get back on Heaven's good side. She only wants you now because She has no one else to do the job."</p><p>"This has nothing to do with Hanna." He lowered his voice.</p><p>"Maybe it doesn't. Maybe I'm reacting out of fear and jealousy. But I have every right to, right? You just died, Cas. Our son brought you back. If your feelings have changed towards me, fine, but you're going to leave him?"</p><p>Tears were now falling from my eyes and running down my cheeks.</p><p>Walking back to me, he pulled me into him and held me against his chest, kissing the top of my head. His embrace felt different, forced, and as if he knew what I was thinking he said,</p><p>"My feelings for you haven't changed, not even a little bit. This has nothing to do with her but has everything to do with Heaven. If I can help them, I have to." He pulled away from me to look into my eyes.</p><p>"I love you, Angel. You and Azriel are my life. But this..." as he glanced off to the side, I took the chance to speak.</p><p>"I know. Heaven will always be a part of you. I'm sorry. It's just, it seems like our entire life has been one big fight to be together. It's as if the universe is trying to keep us apart."</p><p>His head jerked to the side as he gritted his teeth. He looked as if he was struggling with himself on what to do. He cupped my face, his thumb slid across my cheek, wiping a fallen tear away. Tears welled as his eyes filled with sadness.. It broke my heart.<br/>Leaning into me, he kissed me passionately. I wrapped my arms around him, returning the kiss. This kiss was different. It was filled with so much love but at the same time, sorrow, as if he were kissing me for the last time. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Shattered Hearts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hours had gone by since the fight with Castiel. After he made it clear that he was going to go no matter what, I stormed off out of the house.</p><p>
  <em>Gabe, can you keep a watchful eye on Em?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Sure. Where you headed?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-I heard the argument. I'm sure everyone did. Are you ok?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just need to be alone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Luci and I have the kiddos, you stay safe.</em>
</p><p>Walking to the garage I opened the door to where my truck has been stored. Staring at my truck, contemplating whether I should leave or not, I snatched the keys off the wall, climbed up into the cab, and slammed the door shut. Sitting there for a moment, I looked around remembering how much I loved driving it. It had been so long since I listened to music. Knowing how much anger I release with my music loud and the wind in my hair, I started the engine and rolled out of the garage. Easing my way away from the ranch, Lucifer and Gabriel looked up from where they were with kids and waved. I could see the concerned look on Lucifer's face as I drove by.</p><p>Once I was a safe distance away from the ranch, I turned my volume up to max and punched the gas. The truck fishtailed from the horsepower flooding through the engine as it jumped forward. A cloud of dust and dirt was kicked up behind me as I soared down the dirt roads.</p><p>Turning off into an open field on our land, I pushed the pedal to the floor as the adrenaline from the rock music blaring from my speakers pumped through my veins. Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the music, bellowing out the lyrics along with the song, I could feel my anger and tension slowly subsiding.</p><p>Turning the wheel sharply my truck skidded further to the left before straightening up. As song after song boomed through the cab of my truck, I sped and slid around every curve and twist as I dodged things that weren't there. Bouncing around from the uneven ground, I felt myself letting myself go for the first time since I became pregnant.</p><p>I spent hours racing around in the field, tearing through the grass and the mud, feeling the music, and listening to the stories behind the lyrics. When the sky began turning orange, into pinks and purples is when I decided to head back to the ranch. Driving down the long dirt driveway to the house with my music now at a lower volume, I could see bodies sitting on the porch. Driving past the garage, I noticed Lucifer and Castiel watching as I drove by.</p><p>Rolling my eyes in annoyance as the argument of Castiel accusing Lucifer of something outrageous came to mind.</p><p>Once the truck was parked, keys hung back on the wall, and the door locked up I headed back to the house. The two angels watched quietly as I slowly approached the porch. Meeting Castiel's stare, Dean prevented me from speaking as he walked out of the house.</p><p>"Ange, you're insane, you know that?" He exclaimed with a huge smile on his face.</p><p>Looking at him, I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes in confusion, he elaborated.</p><p>"Gabe showed me where you were. I was kind of freaking out since you sped off without telling anyone and was gone for hours."</p><p>"I told someone."</p><p>"Yeah, well, he didn't share the information with us until I started asking questions. Anyway, girl, the way you handle that truck. Can you imagine how you'd handle a beast like Baby?" His eyes were gleaming with excitement.</p><p>"What are you getting at?"</p><p>"We need to have a day of driving, letting loose. Just you and me." He met me at the top of the steps and wrapped his arm around my neck.</p><p>"The last time we went on a drive, I ended up giving birth." I joked.</p><p>"Well, are you pregnant?" He chuckled.</p><p>"Nope. Don't plan to be either." I bit back as I eyed Castiel.</p><p>Lucifer winced at my coldness, patted Castiel on his shoulder, and walked into the house.</p><p>
  <em>-Taking Abigail and heading home. I'm here if you need me. Just say the word and I'm there.</em>
</p><p>Smiling as I looked at the empty doorway, I answered.</p><p>
  <em>Thanks, Luce.</em>
</p><p>"So," Dean continued. "When we get back from this job you and I are having a day to ourselves. A brother/sister day, like when we were younger."</p><p>I smiled at Dean and nodded my head in agreement. Satisfied with my reaction, he turned and disappeared back into the house.</p><p>I leaned against the support beam facing Castiel. He stared down at the ground for a moment before he spoke.</p><p>"I'd like to be rebonded before I leave." He said quietly.</p><p>"You want to be rebonded?" I scoffed.</p><p>"I'd like to, yes. Besides, you can't stay unbonded too long."</p><p>I sat next to him on the porch step and leaned my arms against my knees.</p><p>"When do you guys leave?"</p><p>He glanced at me looking annoyed.</p><p>"We weren't supposed to leave until next week."</p><p>"But..."</p><p>"She wants us to leave tomorrow." He continued to stare at the ground in fear of what he'd see in my eyes.</p><p>I nodded slowly, basically to myself, as I thought about what he just told me. Sighing, I rose to my feet turning towards the front door.</p><p>"Angel?"</p><p>Stopping in place, I didn't turn to face him but I waited for what he was going to say.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Angel. I want us back, our bond back. Can we get bonded before tomorrow?"</p><p>My shoulders slumped forward as I lowered my head. I could feel my heartbreaking as the answer left my lips.</p><p>"I'm sorry, too."</p><p>Walking into the house I left him standing there watching the door close behind me. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Midnight Discussions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>3:30 in the morning I heard hushed voices coming from Dean's room. Knowing he said he was going to bed I decided to check in to see if he was dreaming again.</p><p>Walking closer to his room I was sure there were two different voices. Stopping just outside the door, I stood quietly trying to figure out who would have him up at 3:30 A.M.</p><p>"Cas, you can't blame her for feeling the way she feels."</p><p>"I know. I just don't understand why she won't allow us to rebond."</p><p>"Would you want to reunite the bond if she came at you with accusations of you and Hanna the way you did with her and Lucifer?"</p><p>Castiel was silent.</p><p>"Would you be so forgiving if she had been dead just hours before you find out you took a job that will keep you away for months? Listen, man, I'm all for your relationship with my sister. I know you love her and believe me when I tell you I know how much she loves you. But what you're doing... she has every right to feel the way she is feeling. When Heaven turned you away, she was there with open arms. Now that Heaven seems interested again, you're the one turning her away."</p><p>There was silence, Dean was shuffling around his room. His shadow was closer to the door causing me to back away. The noise of me moving caught his attention, he glanced over at me but quickly looked back to Castiel.</p><p>"Look, Sammy and I will be there to back you in the hunt, we won't let you go it alone. But you need to really mull over if you should leave now or not. What is more important to you, getting back on good terms with Heaven or getting back on good terms with your wife?"</p><p>Having heard enough, I turned and quietly walked back towards my bedroom. Turning into my room, I was greeted by Gabriel sitting on the edge of my bed waiting for me.</p><p>"Did you hear anything you liked?" He asked looking at his nails.</p><p>"What do you want, Gabe?" Rolling my eyes, I walked over and plopped down on my bed.</p><p>"He loves you, Angie. This has nothing to do with Hanna, you do know that don't you?"</p><p>"I do. It was stupid of me to react to that the way I did but I didn't want him seeing what I really fear."</p><p>Turning his body towards me, lifting his knee onto the bed he asked,</p><p>"And what is that?"</p><p>"He just died, Gabe. What if he dies again and this time, he isn't brought back here in time for Azriel to help him?"</p><p>"The fact that your son can raise an angel from death is a miracle in its own. There is so much we don't know about him, we have so much to learn."</p><p>"Exactly. So, why is Cas so hell-bent on leaving after what his son did for him? Why is he all of a sudden acting so cold towards me about this?"</p><p>"I won't pretend to know why Cas is doing what he's doing. I'm sure it has something to do with proving his worth. He always worried about what the other angels thought of him. I do know that Heaven is where he's from. It's where he was created. It's woven into his entire existence and that, my girl, will never change. He will always have the urge to please them. He's a soldier."</p><p>"He wants to reunite our bond." I said picking at my nails.</p><p>"I'm sure he does. Don't you? You should, its dangerous not to."</p><p>I was quiet, I looked up at Gabriel not able to answer his question. I breathed in deeply trying to suppress the cry of pain forming in my throat.</p><p>"Come here, sister." He said holding his arms out to me.</p><p>Crawling into them, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me as I cried into his chest.</p><p>"I'm going to help your pain but that will call for me to look into your heart since we are no longer linked. Are you ok with this?"</p><p>Nodding my head, I agreed, I just wanted the aching to go away. I wanted to stop the pain in my heart.</p><p>Gabriel placed a glowing hand over my heart. Feeling a warming, tingling sensation I looked up at him. His eyes were closed, he was reading me. When he opened his eyes, the glowing was gone and the empty feeling in my heart was gone. I felt numb.</p><p>"It'll last a few hours or so. If you don't reconcile before then..." He sighed with sad eyes. "Well, then there's nothing that will ease the type of hurt you're feeling right now."</p><p>Sitting up, I turned my back towards the door so I could face Gabriel. Crossing my legs Indian-style, I picked at the comforter beneath me.</p><p>"He doesn't trust me." I say quietly.</p><p>"What? Yes, he does."</p><p>"He accused me of having feelings for Luce."</p><p>"I can see why he would think that."</p><p>Furrowing my brows, tilting my head to the side, I asked why.</p><p>"You and Lucifer, well, you two have been through a traumatizing thing together and with Cas not being able to be there for you, Luci was. It created a bond between you two that you don't share with anyone, not even me, and we're close. So close that I used to be able to read you without actually reading you."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Firstly, Cas may be worried you'll develop feelings for Lucifer because he's there when Cas can't be."</p><p>"It's not that he can't be. Don't word it that way. He chooses not to be. And sometimes you're off doing your own thing, it's not your responsibility to put your life on hold just to make sure I've got a friend by my side. So, he expects me to just live my life with only him, Azriel, and my brothers?"</p><p>"Slow down, Missy."</p><p>"No. I have every right to be upset. You've seen Luce and me together, even when we didn't know you were there. Has either of us ever made you think something was going on? Or feelings between us?"</p><p>"Well, no. He has a very high level of respect for you but,"</p><p>"But what? There's nothing there, I don't feel that way towards him. Cas knows this, otherwise, he wouldn't have called him family earlier. Why is this all of a sudden an issue?"</p><p>"He fears losing you."</p><p>"Then why is he leaving?! This makes absolutely no sense at all! He fears that he will lose me but he won't stay? I'm the one that lost him, Gabe! He died!"</p><p>Gabriel let out a long-defeated sigh.</p><p>"He loves you."</p><p>"Well, he has a screwed-up way of showing it." Crossing my arms, I rolled my eyes.</p><p>"You're so closed off anymore I can't even read you when I'm physically trying to read you."</p><p>"I knew you were reading me. What happened to personal space? What happened to you'll always ask before invading my privacy?"</p><p>"I'm sorry, Angie."</p><p>"There's a lot of that going around these days." Pissed off, I left my room and stormed straight to Deans.</p><p>Not caring if they were still talking or if he was sleeping, I stormed in. He and Castiel were still sitting there talking. The both of them looked up at me in shock at my forced entrance.</p><p>"Dean, a word."</p><p>"Angel," Castiel started.</p><p>"No." I glared at him.</p><p>Dean followed me to Sam's room where I opened the door and slipped in. Softly shaking him awake, he sat up looking at me confused.</p><p>"Angie, everything ok?" He asked looking between Dean and I.</p><p>"Guys, I'm leaving."</p><p>"What?" They both asked at the same time.</p><p>"I'm taking Azriel and leaving. You guys go do your hunt or whatever it is he wants you to do. I just wanted to say goodbye to you two before I left."</p><p>"Angie, what's going on?" Sam asked now sitting up, fully awake.</p><p>"I'm not dealing with this. I can't handle it. I thought I'd be ok with him back in the hunting game with you two and I was. Until he died. And now him still wanting to leave knowing how I feel about it... I'm done. I'm taking Azriel and going to Bobby's.</p><p>"Ange, just sit down for a minute and let's talk about this." Dean said closing the door.</p><p>"Yeah, come here." Sam moved over to give me room to sit down on the bed.</p><p>Raising my hands as I shook my head, I said, "Guys, no. I've made my decision." I turned around and opened the door to walk out but was met by Castiel standing there.</p><p>"You're not taking my son anywhere." His voice was low and he was gritting his teeth together, clenching his fists.</p><p>Dean saw the anger in Castiel's eyes and stood next to me.</p><p>"Cas, let's just go." He said walking out of the room.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Cas, come on. She just needs to cool down for a bit." Dean grabbed his shoulder to pull him along with him but was thrown back into the wall.</p><p>"What the hell, Cas?!" Sam barked as he jumped out of his bed.</p><p>Turning to look at Castiel my eyes flashed with anger.</p><p>-<em>Angel?</em></p><p>Lucifer was reaching out. He must have felt my anger within the connection but I ignored him.</p><p>Castiel stood his ground in front of me, his own eyes glowing as we stare at one another, waiting for the other to make a move.</p><p>"That's enough!" Gabriel bellowed.</p><p>Azriel was standing behind him, cowering against his leg. The sight of Azriel scared broke me. My grace left my eyes, returning them to their normal color. Glancing at Castiel for a second, I pushed past him and hurried to Azriel.</p><p>Azriel ran into my arms, his little arms wrapping around my neck as I picked him up.</p><p>"Why are you mad?"</p><p>I glanced back at the hallway where Sam and Dean's rooms are. Castiel was still standing in the same spot watching me.</p><p>"It doesn't matter, baby. Everything will be ok."</p><p>Gabriel glared at me as I walked by down the hall to my bedroom.</p><p>As I set him on the floor, he looked up at me and asked,</p><p>"Why don't you love daddy anymore?"</p><p>"I do, Em, I do." I ran my fingers down the side of his face as I watched his eyes grow even more confused.</p><p>"Can I help Heaven?"</p><p>Confused, I looked at him wondering how he would be able to help.</p><p>"I can help daddy find the bad angels."</p><p>"You can?"</p><p>Azriel ran over to my dresser and climbed on top of it. Placing his tiny hand on my mirror. The mirror flickered as if it were white noise on a television. There was a movement within the white noise, outlines of figures, people. As the picture came into focus, I could make out faces. There were ten of them, at least, fighting and yelling. A reflection of light caught my eye drawing it to something shiny.</p><p>An angel blade.</p><p>The man wielding the blade stabbed the woman in front of him.</p><p>"Uh, Cas! Gabriel! Lucifer! I need you all in here now!" I yelled.</p><p>Castiel was the first to reach our bedroom.</p><p>"What's wrong? Lucifer isn't here."</p><p>"He will be. Where's Gabe?"</p><p>"Right here." Gabriel stepped in behind Castiel.</p><p>"Angel? Everything alright?" Lucifer appeared in the hallway holding Abigail's hand.</p><p>"You can come in. I need you all to look at this." I said pointing to the mirror and moving to the side so the three of them could stand in front of it.</p><p>Sam and Dean eventually made their way into the room to see what was going on.</p><p>"What is this?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"This is Azriel saving Heaven." Castiel smiled as he looked at me, but where his eyes should be shining with pride, he was trying to hide a scowl.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Angel's, Demons, & WTF</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I know these guys." Gabriel said staring closer at the mirror.</p><p>Lucifer stepped closer.</p><p>"Uh, guys. That," He pointed to a man standing in front of six people, arms crossed. "That's a demon."</p><p>"You're positive?" Dean asked.</p><p>"100%. He was my right-hand man for a long time."</p><p>"What the hell are angels doing working with demons?" Sam asked no one in particular.</p><p>"I don't know, but we're going to find out." Lucifer answered.</p><p>Gabriel and Castiel turned to him at the same time.</p><p>"I don't think that's wise, brother." Gabriel said.</p><p>"And why not?"</p><p>"Because you're you. Someone surely knows you were saved by Winchester's so that means people know you're soft now." Castiel explained.</p><p>Looking away as he understood what Castiel and Gabriel were saying, he gestured towards the bed.</p><p>"Mind?" He asked looking at Castiel.</p><p>"You're already in here, why not?" Castiel shrugged as he rolled his eyes.</p><p>Lucifer picked Abigail up and set her on our bed. Azriel climbed down from the dresser and joined her in the middle of the bed. Sitting next to the kids, Lucifer was in deep thought.</p><p>Looking at Castiel, concerned, he sighed but didn't say anything. I took a step towards Lucifer.</p><p>"Luce? What is it?"</p><p>Looking up at the sound of his name, his eyes rested on the mirror that was now back to normal.</p><p>"If angels are working with demons, there's no telling what's going on with Heaven or Hell."</p><p>"Is there anyone down there you still trust?" Gabriel asked.</p><p>Sam and Dean glanced at one another, both with furrowed brows.</p><p>"There may be one but, it's a longshot. She was quite smitten with Nick." He chuckled.</p><p>I looked at Castiel immediately worried.</p><p>"It's your decision." He whispered to me.</p><p>Thinking, I looked back at Lucifer who was now looking at me. Allowing my gaze to trail off to the side in thought, I pondered the right thing to do.</p><p>Sam, Dean, and Castiel began discussing the next moves to make. Gabriel was listening to them, making suggestions here and there.</p><p>
  <em>-Angel?</em>
</p><p>Looking back to Lucifer, I tilted my head as he studied my eyes.</p><p>
  <em>-If it worries you, don't do it. I understand.</em>
</p><p>Taking a deep breath, I pinched the bridge of my nose as I argued with myself. I wanted to trust him but I feared he would miss the things he did while in Nick's vessel. I didn't want to lose him.</p><p>"Come with me." I turned and exited my bedroom leaving everyone standing in there.</p><p>Lucifer followed me out to the garage.</p><p><em>-Angel, are you?</em> Castiel's voice rang in my ears.</p><p>
  <em>Yes, keep everyone, especially the kids in there. Please.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Ok. I'll warn the guys.</em>
</p><p>Pulling on the large door, I slid it open just enough for us to slide through. Once inside, I slid the heavy door back into place.</p><p>Turning, I allowed my eyes to adjust to the darkness before moving. Once my eyesight was clear, I walked past the Impala, past the stall the kids play in, past the area where Sam works out, and rounded the very back of the stable. Reaching a door that would be hidden to someone who doesn't know it's there, I opened it and waited for Lucifer to follow me in. Once inside, I closed the door behind us.</p><p>"Angel?"</p><p>"Just follow me." I shushed him.</p><p>Descending stairs, we entered a room that Ann had hidden underground.</p><p>"You have everything on this ranch. Is this a panic room?" He asked as I opened another door.</p><p>"You could say that." I answered.</p><p>Standing inside of the room, I hesitated for a moment. Lucifer placed a hand on my shoulder to reassure me that he wouldn't be upset if I decided against it. Nodding as I smiled, I opened the closet door and revealed Lucifer's first vessel, Nick, laying out on a stone table.</p><p>Walking over to it, observing and studying the body, he glanced up for a second as he spoke.</p><p>"It's been years. How is it so well preserved?" He asked.</p><p>"I know a very talented witch."</p><p>Raising an eyebrow at me, he smirked as if he were impressed.</p><p>"What will you do with your current vessel?" I asked.</p><p>Inspecting Nick some more, he answered without looking at me.</p><p>"I can get rid of it with ease."</p><p>"Ok, well," I turned around and placed my hand on the doorknob. "I'll leave so you can, I don't know... Change?"</p><p>"You don't have to do that." He said in a voice I never thought I'd hear again.</p><p>I slowly turned around to find Lucifer, in his original vessel, standing in front of me. He looked down at me with his baby blue eyes, piercing right through me. I sucked in a deep breath as an unfamiliar feeling washed over me.</p><p>His lips pulled up into a smile as he moved closer to me. A smile only he could make with Nick's face. As he reached me, the motion lights went out.</p><p>"Are we going back up?"</p><p>That voice. What the hell was happening to me?</p><p>Swallowing thickly, I closed my eyes cursing myself.</p><p>"Angel?" He spoke softly, my name rolling off of his tongue smoothly.</p><p>"S-Stop t-talking." I stuttered as I took a deep breath trying to clear my head.</p><p>Even though it was now dark in the room, I could see Lucifer's eyes boring into mine. He moved closer, reaching for the doorknob. As he leaned forward to grab it, I could feel his breath on my skin.</p><p>"Shit." I gasped as my breath caught in my throat and my heart began to race.</p><p>"Angel," He said softly, taking my hand off of the doorknob. "We're still connected. I can feel what you're feeling, it's quite intense." He spoke softly.</p><p>"S-stop. Just stop talking." I begged. "This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea." I turned to open the door and rush back to the surface but he caught my arm and pushed me against the door.</p><p>Cupping my jaw with one hand, he slid his other arm around my waist and pulled me into him.</p><p>"Luce." I pleaded.</p><p>"Angel." He was so close I could feel his lips graze mine, it sent electricity through my body.</p><p>I swallowed, biting my lower lip as I looked up at him.</p><p>"If you say no, I'll back away and we'll never speak of this again. But, if you say yes, I can't go back to being just friends. I've held my feelings for you in far too long."</p><p>Placing both of my hands on his chest, I gently pushed him away. Without a fight, he backed away, dropping his hands from me. I let out a breath I had been holding and swallowed as I tried to calm myself.</p><p>"I'm sorry." He looked at me with worry.</p><p>"For what? Nothing happened." I straightened myself and opened the door.</p><p>As we climbed the stairs, I covered my face with my hands and cursed myself.</p><p>When the hell did I develop feelings for him? I questioned myself. How did I let this happen? How did I not know this was happening? Flustered and frustrated, I opened the door and stepped back into the stables. Closing the hidden door, I lead us through the garage and pulled the big door to the side. Once Lucifer was through, I pushed the door back into place, turning around, and walked right into Gabriel's chest.</p><p>"Hey. Run into problems? I was coming to make sure the switch was going over smoothly." He said eyeing me.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah. Everything went ok. It just took me a minute to get through the doors. Old and heavy." I laughed nervously. "Everyone still inside? I'm going to go inside." I was talking too fast.</p><p>Gabriel cocked his head to the side as he began trying to read me. Closing my mind, I shut him out completely as I quickly walked back to the house not looking to see if they were following me.</p><p>Once inside, I made a beeline for my bedroom, passing everyone in the living room without saying a word. I closed and locked the door behind me. Running into my bathroom, I closed and locked the door, leaning against it and sliding to the ground. My face in my hands, I began crying. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. The Explosion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>-Angel?</em>
</p><p>It was Lucifer, I ignored him.</p><p>Sitting on the floor of my bathroom, I was crying into my hands.</p><p>What just happened? Did that really happen?</p><p>I sat in there for at least an hour trying to figure out what happened. Deciding I was going to ignore it and never think about it again to save my friendship, I climbed to my feet, moved to my sink, and splashed water on my face.</p><p>When I opened the door Castiel was sitting on the end of the bed waiting for me.</p><p>Narrowing my eyes as I looked at him, I asked,</p><p>"How long have you been sitting there?"</p><p>He shrugged. "Not too long."</p><p>"If you needed me you could have knocked."</p><p>"I figure you needed some space with the way you flew past everyone without saying a word to us." He stood, walking closer to me. His eyes looked so cold.</p><p>When he was close enough to touch me, he reached out for me. Stepping back, I stepped out of his reach and moved to the side and around him.</p><p>"Angel..."</p><p>"What did you guys figure out?" I asked ignoring the glare he was giving me.</p><p>"Well, Lucifer says he knows someone that can help give us information, so he's getting ready to meet her now. Since we know the faces of the corrupt, it should be easy to round them up and get them back to Heaven for a trial."</p><p>"You're still leaving?"</p><p>"I promised I would help."</p><p>"You have faces to give to them, you are helping." I glared.</p><p>"You know what I mean, Angel." He reached for me again but this time I turned and walked away from him.</p><p>When I was at the doorway, I looked back at him and said,</p><p>"Nothing has changed, Cas. You're leaving, you chose Heaven over your family. You have made it clear where you'd rather be. What I don't understand is what changed from the time you kissed me goodbye for the first hunt to now." Walking away before he argued back, I reached the end of the hall and the living room full of everyone else.</p><p>I held my breath as I fought back the tears while I passed by everyone to the front door.</p><p>"Angel?" Lucifer's voice made my steps falter.  "Are you ok?" He asked rising to his feet.</p><p>Ignoring the question, I opened the door and walked out into the night allowing the door to swing closed behind me.</p><p>Everyone left me alone for a while, allowing me to sit in quiet, leaving me to my thoughts. But, it wasn't long before I heard the front door open and watched Lucifer step out of the house.</p><p>"Hey." He smiled. "Everything alright?" He asked taking a seat next to me on the porch swing.</p><p>"Fine." I said wiping a tear before it could fall.</p><p>"Says the woman crying." He scoffed.</p><p>I ignored his remark and stared straight ahead.</p><p>"About earlier..." He started.</p><p>"No. It's too much. It's just too much for me to handle right now." The pain was coming back even more intense than it was before Gabriel took it away. I sucked in a deep breath as I held back a sob. The tears were flowing freely now, too many to be able to wipe away.</p><p>I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried into my hands. Lucifer moved closer to me, pulling me closer to him and held me as I cried.</p><p>"He's still leaving." I finally choked out.</p><p>"I know." He said quietly as he rocked me back and forth. Why is he the one out here and not my husband? Why does it seem that Lucifer cares more about me than Castiel?</p><p>"I begged him not to go, Luce." I sobbed.</p><p>Holding me against him, he consoled me as I soaked my jeans with my tears.</p><p>"He's stupid." He whispered, mainly to himself.</p><p>Releasing my legs, I sat up straight, moving out of Lucifer's arms.</p><p>"Why am I not good enough?" I asked, begging to know why Castiel wouldn't choose us over Heaven. What changed from the time we were so happy just a week ago to now?</p><p>The expression on Lucifer's face changed from shock to anger and then compassion.</p><p>"You <em>are</em> good enough. You're plenty good enough. Don't ever think that you're not."</p><p>Wiping my face with my hands, I looked out into the darkness as I took deep breathes to slow my crying.</p><p>"If I was good enough, he'd stay."</p><p>Lucifer stood quickly causing the swing to rock in anger. Placing my hands on either side of me to balance myself against the swinging, I watched as Lucifer stormed into the house. A few moments later there was yelling, shuffling sounds, the front door opened up and Castiel was pushed through it. Lucifer pointed a finger as he glared at Castiel, through gritted teeth he demanded,</p><p>"Fix this." And slammed the door.</p><p>Looking from the door to Castiel, I blinked not knowing what the hell just happened.</p><p>Castiel straightened his shirt as he looked at me, almost in a glare. He walked over to the swing and gestured to the spot next to me. Nodding my head, he took a seat.</p><p>"Angel," He turned to me and the second his eyes met mine, I broke down again.</p><p>"Why aren't we good enough, Cas? There was a time when you once said, '<em>Heaven can wait</em>'. Why can't it wait now?"</p><p>"Heaven wasn't in shambles back then, it is now."</p><p>"<em>We're</em> in shambles now." I countered. "I have begged you to stay over and over. I'm your wife. We were bonded. That used to mean something, from what I'm told."</p><p>"We could still get bonded before I have to go..."</p><p>That was it. That comment is what shattered the last piece of me that I was hanging onto. What was left of my soul was broken. Rage replaced the pain that filled my body. The anger was boiling over, coursing throughout my veins, filling every inch of me, darkening the piece of my soul and hardening my heart.</p><p>"Leave." I demanded.</p><p>"Angel, just wait a,"</p><p>"I said LEAVE!" I bellowed. The anger in my voice boomed throughout the night.</p><p>The front door opened to reveal Dean and Sam standing there looking concerned.</p><p>"Everything alri-" Dean began but stopped when I looked up at him.</p><p>"Ange, your eyes..."</p><p>I glared at him feeling the anger begin to boil my grace, rolling over on itself over and over.</p><p>"Gabe," Sam called behind him.</p><p>"Get him out of here now." I demanded of Dean.</p><p>Dean looked back at me no longer concerned or worried. He now looked at me in fear.</p><p>"Cas, let's... let her cool down, bud." He said as he pulled Castiel up off of the swing walking him inside.</p><p>Gabriel showed up in the doorway with wide eyes as soon as he saw me.</p><p>"Angie," He started as he slowly stepped out onto the porch.</p><p>I glared down at him as he looked up at me.</p><p>"Angie, why don't you come on down here and let's go for a walk." He said, caution filling his voice.</p><p>I tilted my head to the side, confused with his wording. Looking down I realized I was hovering in the air, a red glow surrounded me, sparks flying from the glow.</p><p>"Angie, come on down, sugar." He spoke again, gesturing for me to come to him.</p><p>Castiel stepped back outside with Azriel in his hands. He looked up at me, glaring.</p><p>"I never wanted us to be this way." He said.</p><p>"Give me my son."  Lowering myself to the porch, I  stood in front of Castiel.</p><p>"I'm sorry I did this to you. To us." He apologized more.</p><p>"Stop talking and give me my son." I growled, my eyes glowing red.</p><p>Gabriel stepped in between Castiel and I.</p><p>"I can't let you take him, Angie. I'm sorry."</p><p>"I said give me my son!" I screamed, the porch exploded, bits of splintered wood flying in every direction.</p><p>Gabriel took Azriel and disappeared.</p><p>"Gabriel!" I screamed up towards the sky.</p><p>There was more commotion on the porch now. Lucifer and Sam were standing in awe at the front door. Lucifer stepped around Sam out onto the porch to look up at me.</p><p>"Angel..." He breathed out.</p><p>Looking at the guys standing down on the porch staring up at me in fear, shock, awe, and worry, I was angry that they'd allow Gabriel to take my son.</p><p>"Dean, why didn't you stop him from taking him?"</p><p>"Ange, come on in the house so we can talk. We'll figure this out and get him back."</p><p>I stared at Castiel who was now staring back at me with narrowed eyes. Why wasn't he angry that our son was taken?</p><p>"Come on, guys, let's go talk this out." Sam encouraged.</p><p>But I didn't want to talk, I was angry and my body was making that clear. A surge of energy flowed through me, down my arms, and hovered in my hands. The energy was a ball of red electricity, as I stare at it, Lucifer came closer to where I was hovering over the ground.</p><p>"Angel, come inside with us."</p><p>My head snapped back to them, to him now standing too close. Angry with the world, I shot up towards the sky leaving a red glowing trail dissipating behind me. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Where's The Love?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Back inside the house with me gone from sight, Dean turned to Castiel.</p><p>"What the hell was that?" He demanded.</p><p>Not looking as worried and confused as everyone else he answered Dean with a shrug.</p><p>"I don't know. She's never been like this before."</p><p>"Daddy, are Angel and Azriel coming back?" Abigail came out of her room holding a doll in her arms. She looked afraid and worried.</p><p>Kneeling in front of her, Lucifer brushed the hair from her eyes and consoled her the best he could.</p><p>"They'll be away for a little while, sweetie, but we're going to figure out a way to help them come home."</p><p>"Can I help?"</p><p>Looking back at the guys standing behind him watching his interactions, Castiel shrugged again.</p><p>"Why don't you let us figure out what he can do first and if there is anything, we can have you do, I'll ask you, ok?"</p><p>"Can I see Jody?"</p><p>"Jody?" This request caught Lucifer off guard. He stood, turned to the guys with question in his eyes.</p><p>"Jody usually stays with the kids when they know we have to leave quickly. It's really early though, I don't think," Sam was talking but abruptly stopped when Castiel vanished.</p><p>Within seconds he was back with a confused and tired looking Jody.</p><p>"Cas, you can't just show up in my bedroom at any given time of the night!" She yanked her arm out of Castiel's hand and looked around.</p><p>"What's going on?"</p><p>"Well," Dean began.</p><p>Jody's eyes finally settle on Lucifer, they widened in shock and some fear.</p><p>"You've got Nick back."</p><p>"Yes. I'm sorry to startle you."</p><p>"He's not the reason you're here." Castiel started. "Angel is."</p><p>Brows furrowed in concern, she moved towards the kitchen.</p><p>"What's going on with Angel, where is she?" She asked as she shifted things around in the cabinet to pull out the coffee and coffee filters. She shook the nearly empty can with a frown.</p><p>"I'll need to go back home to grab coffee if I'm going to be here for a while."</p><p>Annoyed, Castiel held his hand on the can and then stepped back. Jody opened it to find a full can of coffee grounds. Arching an eyebrow and straightening her lips, she bobbed her head impressed.</p><p>"Thanks. Now tell me what's going on."</p><p>Dean began explaining the entire situation as Jody faced the counter scooping out coffee grounds into a filter. Once she was done, she turned around and leaned against the counter as he continued.</p><p>"So, what you're telling me is, Castiel died," She glanced at Castiel. "Glad you're not dead anymore. But then you told her that you'd been in contact with a woman, that has clearly bothered her, for weeks and that you're leaving to go work in close proximity with her for months."</p><p>Castiel began to speak but Jody held up her hand.</p><p>"Ah, bup-bup-bup, let me finish. So, you're leaving for months just after she saw you lying dead on her couch. She begged you not to go many times, you still tell her you're going. She makes it clear that she's feeling inadequate and that she doesn't matter to you anymore, even your son, and you still don't decide to put your family first?" She crossed her arms with one narrowed eye as she chewed on the side of her lip in thought.</p><p>"It's not that simple." Castiel rolled his eyes.</p><p>"But it is." She glared at him. "Heaven or not, your wife, your family should always come first. What happened to you Cas? You were tossed out of Heaven because of that very thing. You put them first. What's so different now?"</p><p>"Heaven has dirty angels, angels working with demons. Heaven is falling apart; they are losing angels left and right. There are hardly any of us left."</p><p>Running her tongue across her teeth, she crossed her arms as she considered what Castiel was saying. After he was done talking the coffee pot was sputtering out the last bit of coffee. She grabbed a mug and poured some into it, turned towards the table, and sat down.</p><p>"Ok. I love you, Cas, but you're wrong here and you're kind of being a dick."</p><p>"Did you not hear the part where he said angels are about to go instinct?" Dean chimed in.</p><p>"Even so," Bringing her cup to her lips, she sipped carefully. "I'm sure this isn't the first time Heaven has, how you put it, fallen apart. You all have been around for millennia. For eons, and they've always put themselves back together. What will one soldier be able to do? You may be fighting for your birthplace, your creator, but you have something more meaningful to fight for down here. To me, it seems like she's the only one fighting to keep your family together."</p><p>"Jody, come see this." Sam interjected gesturing towards the front door.</p><p>Jody obliged gasping in shock when she noticed the porch blown to bits. Her eyes were wide, a hand covered her mouth as she looked around taking in the scene.</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>"Angel happened." Castiel answered coldly.</p><p>His choice of words not only pissed Dean off but also pissed Lucifer off.</p><p>"Angel happened? You're putting all of this on her? She begged you, Cas, begged! She didn't even plead for her life when she was being tortured by that demon the way she begged for you to stay with her." Lucifer all but growled.</p><p>"Because she was already gone."</p><p>Lucifer's rage was rising. A rage he had suppressed for so long.</p><p>"She may have been gone but it wasn't by her own doing. She was fighting day in and day out to figure out how to get back to you. Back to her family. She was willing to go through any amount of torture to get back here and you're just going to turn your back on them?"</p><p>Castiel stood in defense, fists clenched as he stared his brother down.</p><p>"I am not turning my back on them."</p><p>"Really? Because that's kind of what it looks like to me. You are not obligated to go back to Heaven, they cast you out. You no longer work under their thumb. You're tearing your family apart and you don't even seem to care!"</p><p>"Alright," Dean grabbed Lucifer's shoulder and pulled him away from Castiel staring him down. Turning his attention to Castiel he said,</p><p>"Listen, I said I'd back you on this hunt and we will. We won't let you go it alone if you're still going. But, dude, you have to see what's going on here. Our sister is,"</p><p>"No longer the sister we knew because of this." Sam seethed.</p><p>"Look, Azriel showed us who the corrupt are. It will be an easy in and out job. I'll take them to Heaven so they can jail them and I'll be back before this could even be fixed." Castiel gestured to the porch.</p><p>Lucifer snapped his fingers and the porch was back to normal.</p><p>Castiel glared at Lucifer while Sam and Dean stare at it in awe for a moment.</p><p>"If you're gonna go, go. The sooner you get this crap done, the sooner you can get Angel and Azriel home and workout this disaster you just created in your marriage." Jody said before the guys could continue their debate.</p><p>"You'll be going alone." Lucifer said moving over towards Jody.</p><p>"Sam and Dean looked at Lucifer with question but understanding. Castiel glared at him, infuriated.</p><p>"I bet you're staying behind." He said coldly. "You planning to go after her?"</p><p>"Well, the one person who should be going after her refuses to. Someone has to show-"</p><p>"I'll go with you. Dean can help Cas."</p><p>Everyone in the room snapped their attention to Sam with brows raised, eyes wide, staring at him in disbelief.</p><p>"Sammy,"</p><p>"No, Dean. Lucifer is right, as much as I hate to admit. Angel is our sister, family. You don't turn your back on family. So, Cas, if this is that important to you, take Dean and go."</p><p>"Dean," Castiel's voice was low and gravelly.</p><p>Dean looked between Sam and Castiel numerous times, juggling with the decision to make.</p><p>"When did you stop loving her? That's all I want to know." He asked Castiel.</p><p>Castiel's expression quickly turned defensive.</p><p>"What? I still love her." He wasn't all that convincing.</p><p>"Not like you did. I'm not saying I won't help you but everyone is right. Something is off with you. Before... before you would have never even considered leaving her if she asked you to stay. You two fought so hard to be together, even against me. I just don't get it, man. You've changed."</p><p>Castiel stood quiet as everyone waited for him to respond. Instead, through gritted teeth he said,</p><p>"We leave in ten." And walked out of the house. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. APB</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sam and Dean stared at one another in disbelief. Dean shook his head in disappointment before he looked at Lucifer.</p><p>"Alright, what's your motive?" He asked accusingly.</p><p>Lucifer didn't show any type of emotions, he just simply answered,</p><p>"She needs to see that someone is still willing to fight for her."</p><p>Sam narrowed his eyes as he studied him.</p><p>"And that someone is you?" Dean question.</p><p>Lucifer shrugged.</p><p>"No one else is stepping up. She fought for me when no one else would. "</p><p>Jody's mouth fell open as she took a deep breath, "You're in love with her."</p><p>Lucifer stuck his hands in his pockets and kept his head lowered and eyes on the ground.</p><p>Dean threw his hands in the air, spun around, and raised his voice.</p><p>"Oh, come on man!"</p><p>He locked his fingers behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling.</p><p>"Ange, if you're out there and can hear me, don't give up on yourself. We love you. Sammy's coming after you."</p><p>Dropping his arms to the side with a sigh he turned around to face the others again.</p><p>"How does she feel about you?"</p><p>"She only found out about my feelings tonight. She loves Cas, nothing is going to change that. Before you ask any more questions, no, I won't try to interfere with them."</p><p>"I don't know... After all of this," Jody gestured to the porch. "I would be questioning things, too."</p><p>"She is." Sam added.</p><p>"How are you sure?"</p><p>"She's my sister. We used to have a lot of late-night chats. Tonight, what happened here, she's not only questioning everything but, she rebuilt a wall around her heart."</p><p>"Sam, are you sure about going with him?" Dean asked staring at Lucifer.</p><p>"I'll be fine, Dean. Besides, he's proven over the years that he's trying to change.</p><p>"Keep your phone on you at all times. Lucifer, if anything happens to either of them while in your presence..."</p><p>"I know, Dean, so help me God, you'll kill me." Lucifer grinned as he looked up.</p><p>With a grunt, Dean walked off towards his bedroom to grab his duffle bag and then to the Impala.</p><p>"Ok. So, what do you need me to do?" Jody asked filling the silence.</p><p>"Uncle Sam."</p><p>Everyone's attention was pulled behind them as Azriel came running towards them. Sam knelt down and let him jump into his arms.</p><p>"What's up, buddy?" He asked standing up.</p><p>"Where's Gabriel?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"Stuck."</p><p>"What do you mean he's stuck?" Sam asked.</p><p>"He wouldn't let him see Angel." Abigail said from behind Lucifer.</p><p>"Oh?" Sam and Lucifer looked at one another with worry.</p><p>"Do you know how to get back to Gabriel, Em?" Lucifer asked Arzriel.</p><p>Azriel nodded his head quickly with a frown.</p><p>"Can you take me there?"</p><p>"No." He shook his head stubbornly.</p><p>"Why not?" Jody moved closer to Sam so she could see Azriel.</p><p>"Because he won't let mommy see me. I want mommy."</p><p>"Honey, mommy is upset right now, she needs some time to herself." Jody explained.</p><p>"No." He dragged out. "Mommy is crying because of daddy but he's not daddy."</p><p>"He's not, what?" Jody's face wore panic, brows pulled together as she held Azriel's hand. "What do you know about daddy?"</p><p>"That he's gone." Azriel lowered his head as if he was going to start crying.</p><p>Abigail walked over to Sam and put her hand on Azriel's arm.</p><p>"I got you, Azzy, I'm here. Can I help?" She asked him softly.</p><p>Azriel turned in Sam's arms and allowed Abigial to hold both of his hands. Together they closed their eyes and lowered their heads. A small glow was able to be seen around their closed eyes for a moment. When they opened Azriel pulled away and turned into Sam's chest again.</p><p>"When he was helping Uncle Cas when he died, Uncle Cas was back. But when Angel was upset in the kitchen and asked him to stay he was sad. Something happened." She was having a hard to explaining what she saw.</p><p>"Here, honey, let me see." Lucifer said kneeling to her level.</p><p>She placed her hands in his and they closed their eyes. Lucifer's eyes snapped open in panic.</p><p>"Call Dean, get him back here now." He turned to Jody. "Does Bobby still have that panic room? The demon proof one?"</p><p>"Well, yes, but,"</p><p>"Take the kids there. Please."</p><p>"What's going on?" Sam asked as he was dialing his phone.</p><p>"That's not Cas anymore."</p><p>Jody pulled her phone out and began dialing as she looked up at Sam.</p><p>"Sam, I think it's time he finds out what's here." Before Sam could respond she turned and began speaking into her phone. "Yes, this is Sheriff Mills, I need an APB put out on a black 1967 Chevy Impala, Kansas license plate KAZ 2Y5..." She walked away into the kitchen as she began describing Dean and Castiel.</p><p>"What's she talking about?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"Damn it, Dean, pick up." Sam growled at his phone as he kept redialing the number. He looked up at Lucifer and sighed.</p><p>"Come on, the kids don't need to go to Bobby's. I'm sure Bobby will be here shortly after Jody calls him though."</p><p>Lucifer followed Sam down the hall, stopping in front of the bookshelf at the end. Sam moved some books aside and shuffled around on a shelf. The bookcase slowly began to move outwards, opening as if it were a door. Once fully opened it revealed a large iron door behind it. Messing with a scanner on the wall he took Azriel's hand and placed it on the scanner.</p><p>Lucifer watched all of this in awe. There was a loud clank indicating the unlocking of a vault. The iron door slid aside to show an opening behind it. Stepping through with Azriel, he motioned for Abigail to follow him. Lucifer attempted to step over the threshold but was greeted with an invisible force. He looked at Sam quizzically.</p><p>"Sorry, it's warded against you and demons. You're also standing on a devil's trap under the carpet." Sam shrugged.</p><p>Lucifer raised his brow, closed his eyes for a moment, and tilted his head.</p><p>"I'm impressed. I feel angel warding, though. How are they in there?"</p><p>"We had some of Azriel's grace mixed in with the supplies. Since Abigail shares his grace, she can cross." He sat the kids down and Azriel ran over to the toys, followed by Abigail.</p><p>Still inspecting the room, Lucifer was genuinely impressed with the thoroughness of it.</p><p>"I feel dad's power." He stated.</p><p>"Yeah, Chuck reinforced everything. Look, we can't change the warding. It's all been sealed; you won't be able to get in here but the kids will be safe."</p><p>Jody was walking down the hall towards the room.</p><p>"Bobby is on his way, luckily Alex is away at school. Everyone is looking for Dean and Cas as we speak."</p><p>"Ok. Jody, Bobby is going to need to be tested before he enters the house." Sam said.</p><p>Jody nodded, "Not a problem. He'll gladly go through them. I'll go wait for him."</p><p>Lucifer slowly turned his head and looked at Sam.</p><p>"Can I enter your mind?" He asked quietly.</p><p>Sam eyed him suspiciously but nodded, granting permission.</p><p>
  <em>-Castiel is the one who went to get Jody.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-She wasn't tested.</em>
</p><p>Sam's eyes widened in realization. He turned to Azriel,</p><p>"Hey, I'm going to need you to bring Gabriel back here."</p><p>"No. He's being mean."</p><p>"Buddy, this is very important. People can get hurt."</p><p>Azriel carefully thought about what Sam said and then nodded.</p><p>"Thank God." Gabriel's voice rang behind Sam.</p><p>Sam turned around to face Gabriel as Gabriel was looking around the panic room. He faltered when he noticed Lucifer standing in the doorway.</p><p>"Uh, why's he here?" He asked.</p><p>"So, a lot happened after you left." Sam started.</p><p>He and Lucifer explained what happened and that they need him to be the angel bodyguard over the children. Gabriel said yes without hesitation.</p><p>"So, if you think Jody could be possessed, how would she get past the warding around this place?" Sam asked.</p><p>"She was invited in by someone who had already had access to the place." Gabriel answered.</p><p>"Bobby's here." Lucifer said looking down the hallway.</p><p>"Can you still tell if they're possessed or not?" Sam asked.</p><p>"Yeah, but uh, I can't move." Lucifer pointed to the floor.</p><p>"Oh. Right." Sam moved the carpeting and scuffed the paint with his shoe breaking the devil's trap.</p><p>Lucifer immediately headed towards the front door.</p><p>"You're working alongside him?" Gabriel asked Sam in shock.</p><p>"Yeah, well, he wants the same thing I do."</p><p>"What's that?"</p><p>"To bring Angel home."</p><p>Gabriel didn't respond.</p><p>Sam looked at him, focusing on his eyes.</p><p>"You knew he fell for Angel, didn't you?"</p><p>"I may have suspected it a while ago." Gabriel shrugged.</p><p>"You didn't think we should have known this?"</p><p>Sam was irritated. His sister saving the devil was one thing, but him being in love with her was another.</p><p>"He never acted on it. He kept the feelings well hidden."</p><p>"Yeah, but you don't think that eventually,"</p><p>"No. He respects Angel just as much as you or I. If he were to ever confess, he'd respect whatever she would tell him. I'm as shocked as you are, Sammy."</p><p>"Don't call me that."</p><p>"Point being, Luci isn't the devil anymore."</p><p>"Yeah, that doesn't mean he can't go right back to it."</p><p>Gabriel silently agreed but his attention was distracted by three people walking down the hallway.</p><p>"Cleared?" Sam asked Lucifer.</p><p>"Cleared."</p><p>"I can't believe <em>Lucifer</em> was testing <em>me</em>." Bobby scoffed.</p><p>"Just get in." Jody rolled her eyes.</p><p>Sam and Lucifer stood outside the panic room while Jody, Bobby, and Gabriel were inside with the kids.</p><p>"Go find our girl." Bobby said.</p><p>"Keep them safe." Sam gestured towards the kids.</p><p>"With our lives." Jody smiled as she closed the iron door and locking it.</p><p>Sam stepped away from the wall pushing the bookcase back in place.</p><p>"You guys did an amazing job with that. I had no idea it was here this entire time." Lucifer said still impressed with the warding.</p><p>"We were making sure we could keep them safe."</p><p>"With all of the warding and shields around the property and house, you guys did that well. I had no idea where you were when I searched years back.</p><p>"Yeah, let's not talk about the past." Sam said still annoyed.</p><p>Lucifer glanced at him acknowledging how uncomfortable Sam still felt around him. It was within good reason, he just hoped that with time he would eventually forgive the horrid crimes he had committed against him and his family. Because right now, the only thing Lucifer was focused on was keeping this family safe. Keeping Angel and Azriel safe.</p><p>Safe from what he used to be. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Temporary Fix</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning:</p><p>Major Character Death</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Are you able to reach Angel still?" Sam asked as he pulled his phone back out.</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"She needs to know that it wasn't Cas. She needs to know there was a possibility that Cas was going to decide against going."</p><p>Holding Sam's stare for a moment, he sighed and nodded his head.</p><p>
  <em>-Angel?</em>
</p><p>Silence.</p><p>
  <em>-Angel, please. There's something you should know about Castiel.</em>
</p><p>Silence.</p><p>
  <em>-Dean's in danger.</em>
</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Just when Lucifer was going to give up and tell Sam she was ignoring him, she responded.</p><p>
  <em>What's wrong with him?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Come back, please.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>-Azriel's here.</em>
</p><p>Hearing this, I instantly appeared in front of Sam causing him to jump and drop his phone. Lucifer chuckled before finding my eyes. They were filled with anger and rage to hide the pain I was drowning in.</p><p>"Where's my son?"</p><p>"Angie, listen," Sam started.</p><p>"No. I came because he told me my son was here. I don't see him." I glared at Lucifer.</p><p>"He is here. The kids are in the safe room with Jody, Bobby, and Gabriel."</p><p>"What? Why?" Panic rose in my body.</p><p>"Angel, come sit with me." Lucifer walked over to the couch and patted the spot next to him.</p><p>Eyeing him, not sure of his play, I walked by and sat in the recliner. Sam stood in front of us both.</p><p>Sighing, Lucifer began explaining.</p><p>"Cas isn't Cas."</p><p>"Ya think? Look, if you brought me here to waste my time, I'm taking my son and leaving." I began to stand but Sam stood in front of me to stop me.</p><p>"Would you just shut up and listen?"</p><p>"Sam." I warned.</p><p>"Bug." He looked at me with pleading eyes making my heart melt just a little with worry.</p><p>"What's going on?" I lowered myself back in my seat and looked between the two.</p><p>"Cas is possessed. Not by a demon but by another angel." Lucifer explained.</p><p>"Dean took him out already. Cas was insistent on leaving right away. Lucifer and I were planning to go looking for you but then Azriel appeared out of nowhere. He had Gabriel trapped somewhere and wouldn't take us to him either."</p><p>Pulling my eyebrows in, I listened as the both of them continued.</p><p>"Can I see my son before we leave?"</p><p>"We?" Sam questioned.</p><p>"Of course. If Dean is out there with my possessed husband, we need to find them both."</p><p>I notice Lucifer look away at the mention of the word husband but chose to ignore it.</p><p>Sam looked at Lucifer who nodded at him.</p><p>"I trust her." He spoke.</p><p>"Ok. I'm sorry, Bug, it's not that I don't trust you. It's just..."</p><p>"You want to protect Azriel. I understand but take me to my son." I bit back the anger that was beginning to rise again.</p><p>"Hey," Lucifer stood and kneeled in front of me. He took my hands in his and looked directly into my eyes.</p><p>"Do you remember when you would fight to keep me calm during times that my anger was threatening to take control?"</p><p>Remembering those times, I nodded.</p><p>"Can you do that with me? Just breathe and let me in."</p><p>Nodding, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in through my nose. As I exhaled, I could feel the familiar tingling in the back of my mind.</p><p><em>-I'm here for you. You're not going to go through this alone</em>.</p><p>Not responding, I continued my breathing with my eyes closed. Images of Castiel flashed in front of me. I jerked but Lucifer tightened his grip on my hands. Grinding my teeth, I inhaled deeply again. The image of Gabriel holding Azriel on the porch flashed. The anger surfaced. I couldn't push it down.</p><p>
  <em>-Angel, talk to me. Don't let this get the best of you. You know the truth now; we're going to go find them.</em>
</p><p>His words were getting lost between the rolling bubbles of anger. I no longer heard anything around me as my rage made my ears ring. I could faintly hear Lucifer and Sam talking.</p><p>"...broken bond...control...unstable..."</p><p>My eyes snapped open glowing red.</p><p>"Lucifer, do it." Sam panicked.</p><p>Lucifer lunged forward, sending me back into the chair. His lips were on mine, holding my hands tight, preventing me from pulling away. I could feel him breathe an icy breath into me. My eyes fluttered closed as images of the kids playing in the sandbox and swinging in swings danced in my mind. Slowly relaxing against the chair, he eased his grip on my hands. As the icy feeling faded, his lips danced against mine as he pulled away from me.</p><p>Opening my eyes Sam relaxed his tense body. I looked at Lucifer who was still on his knees in front of me holding my hands. The look in his eyes was one I've only seen one other time when he and Castiel stood together watching me with the kids when we were at the park in a dream sequence. He blinked and the look was gone.</p><p>Looking at him confused for a moment, I sat up as he pushed himself up using the arms of the chair. Now standing next to Sam, they both were looking at me waiting for direction.</p><p>"What exactly just happened?" I asked.</p><p>"He was kissing you." Dean was standing in the doorway, beaten and battered holding Castiel's lifeless body.</p><p>"And you, Sam, you just stood there letting it happen!"</p><p>"No. No. That's not what happened. He wasn't kissing her." Sam said defensively.</p><p>Dean gently placed Castiel on the couch in the same position he was in just a few days ago. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him, even after my brother's continued to argue.</p><p>"It sure as hell looked like a kiss to me." Dean exclaimed glaring at Lucifer.</p><p>"Dean, just let him explain." Sam insisted.</p><p>"You have thirty seconds to make me believe you didn't just take advantage of my sister." Dean growled.</p><p>"Their bond was broken. Without the bond, an angel who was previously bonded before has the chance of losing control, not able to control anger or rage. It can swallow them and turn them into the evilest of creatures."</p><p>"Worse than what you were?" Dean continued his glare.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"How?"</p><p>"Because, without a bond, she's losing what soul she had left." Lucifer sighed.</p><p>Dean's stance relaxed as he processed Lucifer's words.</p><p>"What do you mean I'm losing my soul?" I asked.</p><p>"I suspect Castiel has been dead since shortly after Angel woke up."</p><p>"Then why would he have been so set on being rebonded?"</p><p>"Being bonded creates a link between the two angels. They tap into one another without needing permission. They can feel one another, hear their thoughts, see through their eyes. If he really was possessed by another angel, someone is trying to infiltrate this family. Someone is trying to get close to one of you guys."</p><p>"Someone is hunting the kids." My eyes widened.</p><p>"Wait. Before we go any further, Dean, come here." Sam said pulling Dean into the kitchen.</p><p>"What the hell, man?" Dean cried out.</p><p>I hurried to the kitchen and walked in just as Dean was being splashed with water. Holy water. Sam was testing him.</p><p>"Sam, just see if he can enter the room." I suggested.</p><p>Raising his brow and tilting his head to the side as he considered my idea, he pulled Dean out of the kitchen and down the hallway towards the safe room. I opened the bookcase and scanned my fingers, the iron bolts clanked together loudly as they unlocked and the door slid open.</p><p>Bobby and Gabriel were in front of the door ready to fight. Sam pushed Dean forward and Dean stumbled into the room.</p><p>"Alright, you're done pushing me around." Dean turned around growling at Sam.</p><p>"I had to be sure, Dean." Sam bit back.</p><p>"What's going on here?" Bobby asked looking at everyone. His eyes locked on mine, he moved forward, grabbed me, and pulled me into a tight hug.</p><p>"I don't know what's going on with you, girl, but we're here. Don't fly off like that again."</p><p>I wrapped my arms around him hugging him back.</p><p>"Come on, Gabriel and Lucifer go check the warding and protective shield to make sure they aren't weakened." Sam instructed.</p><p>Bobby pulled away from me and eyed the boys suspiciously.</p><p>Jody walked into view holding a crying Azriel.</p><p>"What's wrong with him?" I panicked stepping into the safe room.</p><p>"He keeps mumbling something about Castiel telling him to tell you he's sorry." She explained with sad eyes.</p><p>Azriel lifted his head from Jody's shoulder and looked at me.</p><p>"Daddy's gone." Were the only words he spoke as he leaned towards me.</p><p>Reaching out for him, Jody allowed him to fall into my arms. Cradling him against my chest, I sway back and forth trying to comfort him. Looking at Lucifer questioningly, I reached out to him.</p><p>Cas is really gone?</p><p>-I'm sorry, Angel.</p><p><em>Why don't I feel pain? Why am I not angry?</em> I narrowed my eyes trying to read him.</p><p>
  <em>-My grace is numbing you for the time being. We need to get back out there so I can continue explaining what happened.</em>
</p><p>Gabriel was looking between Lucifer and I.</p><p>"Let's go check on those warding's." He said grabbing Lucifer and disappearing.</p><p>"Is it safe to leave this room?" Jody asked looking at the kids with worry.</p><p>"Wait until they get back." Sam ordered.</p><p>"Where's Cas?" Bobby asked.</p><p>Dean's eyes fell to the ground as he avoided everyone's stares.</p><p>"No." Jody's voice was hushed, pained.</p><p>"It hasn't been Cas since the first time you asked him to stay." He said quietly.</p><p>"Everything is cleared and in place. It's safe. Don't invite anyone new in and if any of us leave, we have to agree to be put through every test before reentering the house." Gabriel stated as he and Lucifer appeared in the hallway.</p><p>Everyone made their way to the living room as I closed up the safe room and put the bookcase back in front of the door.</p><p>Upon entering the living room, I noticed Castiel's body was gone.</p><p>My eyes were panicked as I stare at the couch where Lucifer, Gabriel, and Dean were sitting.</p><p><em>-He's where you had me, safe.</em> Lucifer looked at me reassuringly, knowing instantly my fear. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Seeing Red</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey, why don't you all go figure out what's going on? Bobby and I can sit in here with the kids. At least this way they won't be subjected to anything you don't want them to be." Jody suggested.</p><p>"There isn't anything this little guy can't figure out if he wants to bad enough." I said kissing Azriel's head as it lay on my shoulder.</p><p>"It's ok, Momma, Gail." Azriel turned around in my arms to look at Abigail.</p><p>She slid off her dad's lap and walked over to me, holding her hand up to Azriel. Azriel took her hand and asked me to put him down.</p><p>"I'll protect him, Angel." Abigail said as she walked him into her room to play.</p><p>My brows were raised, hand over my heart, and a smile on my face as I watched them walk away hand-in-hand.</p><p>"She acts so much like a big sister." I said turning to face everyone.</p><p>"They are amazing together." Jody smiled.</p><p>"Are you ok with going out to the garage, Bug?" Sam asked in a gentle tone.</p><p>Smiling at how he's trying to help I rolled my eyes.</p><p>"I'm not fragile, guys."</p><p>"Nope. You're just a ticking time bomb." Dean laughed.</p><p>"Not at the moment I'm not." I said looking at Lucifer. "What exactly did you do to me?"</p><p>"Let's go outside and talk, guys." Sam stood walking towards the door.</p><p>We followed him to the stables and ended up sitting at the back of the garage near the hidden door. Once we were all seated in the chairs placed around one another, Dean started the conversation.</p><p>"Ok, back to my suspicions because I'm sure they're the same ones Lucifer was about to tell us. But don't think you're off the hook, you're telling me what you did to my sister." He pointed at Lucifer.</p><p>I chuckled.</p><p>"I noticed Castiel was different after the argument you two had in the kitchen. What happened during that argument?"</p><p>"It started with him telling me about you guys going to help Heaven. I, of course, was filled with jealousy when I heard Hanna's name."</p><p>"What? Why would <em>you</em> be jealous of <em>her</em>?" Lucifer scoffed.</p><p>I watched Dean shoot daggers at him with his eyes.</p><p>"A time before Cas and I got together, he was off on a job with her. She came on to him, he returned the kiss. It's bothered me since. It always has. I don't know why. She's the only one I've ever been jealous of. Ever."</p><p>"I may have an idea why." Gabriel spoke up.</p><p>"What's that?"</p><p>"Because it was before Cas was feeling human emotions so you don't understand why he did it." He shrugged.</p><p>"It makes sense." Sam agreed.</p><p>Shaking my head and waving my hands I said,</p><p>"We aren't here to put me through therapy, I want to figure this out before my time bomb ticks." I rolled my eyes at Dean.</p><p>"Back to the argument." He waved me off.</p><p>"At first it was just a normal argument. After I freaked about Hanna, he had a weak moment about Lucifer," I glanced over at Lucifer who's face scrunched in confusion. "But it seemed to dissolve as we both calmed down. I asked him not to go. He was quiet as if he was thinking about his response but then he started acting weird."</p><p>"How?" Gabriel asked.</p><p>"Well, first, he twitched and looked away from me. From then on out, he seemed off, cold. Some of his responses and comments were very cold. When he held me, it felt forced, and before he kissed me, he twitched again. It was as if he was staring at me, reading me, trying to memorize me. But when he kissed me... it was in a way he had never kissed me before. The passion and emotions..." My fingers instinctively touched my lips as I trailed off.</p><p>"He knew." Lucifer said.</p><p>Gabriel stared at him for a moment, lost in his own thoughts.</p><p>"Yeah, Luci's right. He was already possessed. I'm guessing the angel who possessed him was waiting for the right time to "revive" himself but he wasn't betting on Azriel reawakening Castiel's soul. Cas must have scared the other angel back until you woke up then it took control during the fight. When he kissed you at the end, Cas knew he wasn't winning the battle with the other angel. He was telling you goodbye."</p><p>When Gabriel's eyes met mine, tears were falling down my face.</p><p>"Guys, I need to talk to Gabriel for a minute." Lucifer said standing.</p><p>Dean stood quickly,</p><p>"No. Anything you have to say you say it here. No more secrets. We're going to figure out who possessed Cas if he's still out there, and I'm killing the son of a bitch."</p><p>Lucifer looked back at me worried and then at Gabriel. He sighed and sat back down.</p><p>"What is it?" Gabriel asked sitting up and leaning forward.</p><p>"Her anger. Her rage. Her soul is fading because she lost a bond."</p><p>Gabriel's eyes widened with realization.</p><p>"But that hasn't happened since..."</p><p>"Since Amora." Lucifer finished.</p><p>"What? What does the darkness have to do with Angel?" Sam asked, face covered with concern.</p><p>"When two angels are bonded, their souls become one." Gabriel started.</p><p>"Right. You explained that a long time ago." Dean added.</p><p>"Right. So, when they were bonded they shared a soul. Now that the bond is broken, the soul is broken. With one being dead, she will soon begin to fade into death. If she fights it, she will become vengeful, hateful, she'll feel only anger and rage." Gabriel continued.</p><p>"Which is what's starting to happen already." Lucifer pointed out.</p><p>"So, we need to find her a new soulmate? Is that what you're saying?" Sam asked.</p><p>"No." I interjected causing everyone to look at me.</p><p>"Cas was the only one to have my soul. Without him, I don't want one."</p><p>"You don't understand, Angie, you no longer have your own soul and if you don't bond with another soul, you're going to turn into something that your brothers will be forced to hunt and kill." Gabriel stared intently into my eyes, desperate for me to see the severity of the situation.</p><p>My worry was quickly fading into fear and anger. I clenched my fists and closed my eyes trying to keep myself calm.</p><p>"Ange?" Dean's voice was filled with concern.</p><p>"Just leave me be." I said breathing in and out deeply.</p><p>"Lucifer." Sam spoke in a panic.</p><p>"It's only a band-aid, Sam. It won't hold for long because there isn't a bond for it to hold on to." Lucifer was talking to Sam and Dean but their voices were quickly fading.</p><p>The pain of losing Castiel was surfacing. The anger from the pain the possessing angel caused me surfaced. I began grinding my teeth. I opened my eyes and each of the guys looked at me differently. Sam looked worried, Dean looked fearful, Gabriel was concerned, but Lucifer, Lucifer looked sad.</p><p>
  <em>-Angel, please stop doing this to yourself. I hate seeing you in so much pain.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Is he really dead?</em>
</p><p>He never answered, he only slumped forward and stared at the ground.</p><p>My eyes were glowing brighter as the pain and anger turned to rage once more.</p><p>"Bug..." Sam pleaded.</p><p>"You only want me to rebond so I'm leashed." I glared at them, my voice coming out as a deep echo.</p><p>I was rising above them again, hovering.</p><p>"It's not about being leashed, Angel. It's about balance. Your soul merged with Castiel's, once he died... so did his soul. Now what you have within you is fading away. You're losing any sense of compassion, feelings, empathy, morals."</p><p>"Can you bond to her?" Dean asked Gabriel.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Because I can't."</p><p>Dean looked irritated, desperate.</p><p>"Does it have to be a lover's soul?" Sam asked,</p><p>"No... Just someone she cares about deeply and the other must care for her just as deeply. Why?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"What about one of us. Would ours help balance hers?"</p><p>"You're human. It's too weak." Gabriel answered for Lucifer.</p><p>"What do we do?" Sam was now crying, looking up at me watching the red glow swirl around my body.</p><p>Dean shifted back and forth on his feet struggling with an internal battle. Sam kept trying to keep me calm, talk me down. What happened next shocked both Sam and Gabriel. </p><p>"Lucifer..."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Consensual</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean spoke quietly.</p><p>Lucifer looked at Dean.</p><p>"Are you?" Not able to finish his question, he closed his eyes in shame of how he treated Lucifer, even after he proved he's changed.</p><p>"Yes, Dean. But I won't unless she consents to it."</p><p>"What? You grow a conscience now?" Dean scoffed.</p><p>"I've never forced myself upon anyone, I won't do it now. Especially not to her." Lucifer stood tall, standing his ground, letting Dean know he wouldn't be talked into it.</p><p>I was becoming numb, not just emotionally, my body was numb. I was losing complete control over it. Their voices were muffled and my vision was blurring. I wanted to run, break something. I wanted to scream but nothing came out. The rage was burning from within me, clawing at my inside trying to get out.</p><p>My body was jerked to the right, flinging me around like a limp rag doll. Looking back at the guys in fear, I tried to call out to them for help.</p><p>Sam ran towards me, reaching for my hand to pull me down to the ground. I reached for him but my body was flung backward, I landed on top of the impala with such force that the windows shattered under my weight.</p><p>They were all in front of the impala now, watching as my body rose above them again.</p><p>"Angel, let us help you." Dean called out.</p><p>"She's no longer in control. The rage took over." Gabriel stated.</p><p>"This is what I was worried about." Lucifer said through clenched teeth.</p><p>He looked at Sam and Dean for a moment and then pushed off of the ground, flying himself up to where I hover limp in the air.</p><p>"Angel," He spoke softly as he cradled my head, preventing it from dangling limply.</p><p>My eyes moved to see him, he had tears in his eyes.</p><p>"This is going to consume you. Please, don't give in to it." He begged as the tears spilled over and down his face.</p><p>"Let us bond. I'll stay away if that's what you want but let me help you keep your balance."</p><p>A tear slipped from my eyes and down the side of my face.</p><p>"Please, Angel, I can't lose the one person who believed in me. I need you. They need you. Em needs you."</p><p>The tears continued to fall as the rage threw my body into convulsions.</p><p>"Angel," Lucifer pulled my body to his, holding me tight, he forced me down to the ground with him.</p><p>The force fighting against him, Gabriel helped hold me down on the ground. Sam and Dean were on their knees next to me.</p><p>"Angel, please." Lucifer begged.</p><p>
  <em>-Please.</em>
</p><p>"Just do it, I'll deal with her anger later." Dean ordered.</p><p>"No. Not without her consent."</p><p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p><p>Lucifer looked down at me again.</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>
  <em>Yes.</em>
</p><p>He looked up at Gabriel who nodded his head and stood.</p><p>"Move back." He motioned Sam and Dean to back up, they complied.</p><p>Turning back to Lucifer and me, he placed a hand on me and a hand on Lucifer. He nodded to Lucifer who bent over my body and pressed his lips against mine.</p><p>Almost instantly his hold on me eased as my body stopped convulsing. The rage began receding as his grace was entering me. I was gaining control over my body and thoughts again. Lucifer's lips were still pressed against mine. Once my body stopped fighting completely, he cupped my face with his hands and deepened the kiss.</p><p>I could feel our grace swirling around one another in a binding dance. I was sensing his emotions, feeling his heartbeat, it was racing. His mind was filled with panicked pleas of me being ok.</p><p>Sitting back on his heels, he helped me sit up, I looked at Gabriel who was watching us closely. His hands were still on each of us, glowing. Once the glowing subsided Lucifer looked to Gabriel.</p><p>"Seal it, Luci." He nodded and Lucifer cupped my face one more time but before kissing me, he looked into my eyes deeply. The loving look was back.</p><p>
  <em>-I'm sorry this happened to you. If I could bring him back for you, I would.</em>
</p><p>I placed my hand on his wrist as he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine one more time. This time, I slid my hand around his neck and kissed him back. With a small gasp, he deepened the kiss, grazing his tongue across my bottom lip for permission. Parting my lips, his tongue snaked against mine creating a silent moan that only I could hear.</p><p>"Luce! It's done!" Gabriel called out causing us to break apart.</p><p>Breathing heavy, I looked from Gabriel to Lucifer. Lucifer blinked a couple of times and any sign of emotion was hidden again. He stood and backed away allowing Sam and Dean to get close to me. Dean walked by Lucifer staring at him sharply before he knelt at my side.</p><p>"You doing ok, Ange?" He asked cupping my hand in his.</p><p>"Honestly, I just want to go to bed." I said feeling completely exhausted.</p><p>"You're weak. He's going to need to stick by you for a while so not only both of your grace merge as one properly but so you can feed off of his energy to gain back your strength." Gabriel explained.</p><p>"But," Dean started.</p><p>"Dean, she's ok. Let's fix Baby up." Sam pulled on Dean's arm.</p><p>"Oh, God. I broke Baby." I said hurrying to my feet. Standing too quickly caused me to become dizzy, I reached out and steadied myself using Gabriel's shoulder.</p><p>"Yeah, go lay down, Ange. Baby's ok. Nothing she hasn't been through before." Dean smiled.</p><p>Sam forced a smile, his lips twitching. He was still worried but was trying to hide it.</p><p>"Luci, take her to her room and let her sleep." Gabriel instructed.</p><p>"Gabe, I've got a few questions, stick around for a bit?" Sam asked.</p><p>"Sure."</p><p>Lucifer placed an arm around me and we vanished, appearing in my bedroom. He helped me to bed and then walked over and closed the door. Coming back over he conjured a chair and sat next to my bed. I reached my hand out towards him, he took it, interlacing his fingers with mine.</p><p>"Thanks, Luce," I said weakly.</p><p>"Never thank me for what I did. I'd do it ten times over if it meant saving you." He patted my hand with his free hand.</p><p>"Now, sleep." He smiled. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Night Terrors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sitting on the bench looking out over the lake, mine and Castiel's lake, I jumped to my feet and looked around.</p><p>"Cas? Cas, are you here?" I called out.</p><p>I turned around and watched the tree line, waiting for him to walk out of it.</p><p>Nothing.</p><p>"I'm dreaming, right?" I asked myself.</p><p>"Yes, Angel, you're dreaming."</p><p>Spinning around I'm met with Castiel standing in front of me. I leaped into his arms, crying, hugging him close.</p><p>"Cas, what happened? Are you really gone?"</p><p>"He's gone. He'll never come to you again, you low life piece of scum." Castiel's voice growled.</p><p>Pulling away from him, I backed away as I stare at Castiel standing in front of me.</p><p>"You're the reason he fell, you know that? You're the reason he turned his back on Heaven. You're the reason he was cast out. You're the reason for it all. It's all your fault. You're the reason he's dead."</p><p>I backed away as he continued to stalk towards me with every word he spoke.</p><p>"I don't understand." I cried.</p><p>"Stop crying. No one cares about you. No one cares that you're hurting. They don't care because they know it's all your fault."</p><p>"No, it's not." I argued.</p><p>"You're the reason he's dead, Angel. You killed Castiel. You should have just stayed in the Nothing. Stayed gone."</p><p>Castiel's voice was changing. It was becoming higher pitched. As I looked closely at Castiel his body began changing. It morphed into someone else, a female.</p><p>Hanna.</p><p>"You bitch!" I lunged forward catching her off guard.</p><p>We both tumbled to the ground, rolling twice before I landed on top of her, straddling her as I threw punch after punch at her. She threw me off, rising to her feet she charged at me. She connected, her knee in my stomach causing me to double over.</p><p>Knocking me to the ground she gained the upper hand, crawling over me she began punching me. Over and over, left and right. Holding her hand out an angel blade appeared. She held it high above her head as she looked down at me seething.</p><p>"You're the reason he never fell for me." She growled; her tone full of hatred.</p><p>Looking up at her between bloody swollen eyes I was unable to move. I could feel the swelling on my face, my stomach was on fire. She gripped the handle of the blade tighter as she plunged it down and into my chest.</p><p>Staring up at the body sitting on top of me, I see Castiel holding the angel blade in his hands.</p><p>"I never should have fallen for you. I regret the day I met you, Angel. I regret ever knowing you."</p><p>He climbed to his feet looking down at me, tossing the angel blade to the side,</p><p>"I wish I'd have never met you." He walked away as if I was just another monster kill.</p><p>Laying there, the pain hit me full-on. The stabbing in my chest felt like my heart was ripping in two. It was shattering.</p><p>"Cas," I called after him.</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Cas. All I ever wanted to do was love you."</p><p>"Cas." I cried. Tears creating streaks in the blood covering my face.</p><p>"Angel,"</p><p>I tried looking around in search of who called out my name but I couldn't move. I felt a heavyweight on me, I was being held down.</p><p>"Angel, come back to me."</p><p>The sky opened up and dark clouds rolled in turning everything dark. The trees and grass withered and died.</p><p><em>You're the reason he's dead.</em> Hanna's voice replayed in my mind.</p><p><em>I wish I never met you.</em> Castiel's voice was playing in between Hanna's.</p><p>The sky became so dark I couldn't see much in front of me. The clouds above began swirling in a circle creating a funnel cloud.</p><p>"Angel, please come back to me."</p><p>Black smoke flew through the cloud and raced down to me. With arms stretched out, it reached for me as I started screaming.</p><p>Shaking, I closed my eyes and held my hands above me as I was snatched up off the ground, fighting the strength as much as I could.</p><p>"Ange!"</p><p>It was Dean's voice.</p><p>Opening my eyes, I found Dean holding me and Lucifer standing next to the bed looking at me with worry.</p><p>"What was that?" Dean asked looking down at me.</p><p>I grabbed onto his arms curling my body into a ball as close to his body as I could get.</p><p>"Ange, what is going on?"</p><p>"It's my fault." I cried.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"He hates me." I sobbed. "He wishes he never met me." I was sobbing so hard they couldn't understand me.</p><p>I couldn't breathe, Dean looked up at Lucifer not knowing what to do.</p><p>"Let me." Lucifer stepped closer.</p><p>Dean allowed Lucifer to take me into his arms, he held me close against him as he placed his hand on my head to comfort me.</p><p>Kissing the top of my head, he lay me back down and touched two fingers to my forehead causing me to fall into a dreamless sleep.</p><p>"What the hell was that?" Dean asked as he covered me with my blanket.</p><p>Lucifer sat back down in the chair next as Dean was sitting next to me on the bed.</p><p>"She's having nightmares."</p><p>"About what happened? The rage?" Dean asked.</p><p>"Yes and no. She saw Castiel at their spot."</p><p>"The lake."</p><p>"Yes. Castiel was there."</p><p>Dean raised his brow in shock "Cas is alive?"</p><p>"I don't think so."</p><p>"How can you be sure?"</p><p>"That's the thing, if I can't be sure then I know for a fact she thinks this nightmare is real. She thinks he's attacking her."</p><p>Lucifer reached for my hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb.</p><p>"Hanna was there. She was spewing out hateful things. She stabbed her. But, then Castiel was standing above her telling her he wished he'd never met her."</p><p>"No. No, that's not real. Cas would have never said that. Ever. He was so in love with her. No." Dean was shaking his head profusely as he stood and began pacing the room.</p><p>"She just lost her husband, Dean. The pain that I feel in her... I've never felt this amount of emotional pain in anyone. Ever."</p><p>Dean faced Lucifer, worried about me.</p><p>"Never? Even back when...?"</p><p>"Even when I was a monster." Lucifer answered for him.</p><p>Dean dropped back down beside me, resting his hand on my leg.</p><p>"How can we help her?"</p><p>"You can't. It's something she has to heal herself. This type of emotional trauma, she's going to be seeing things for a while."</p><p>"You're bonded now, can't you just, I don't know, take her pain away?"</p><p>Lucifer chuckled.</p><p>"I wish it were that easy. I would absorb every ounce of pain from her, physical and emotional, if I could."</p><p>Dean stared at Lucifer quietly. He rose to his feet after he glanced back at me once more and said,</p><p>"I've got to find Gabriel, yell for me if she wakes up like that again."</p><p>"I won't leave her side, Dean. I promise."</p><p>Dean gritted his teeth together.</p><p>"I know." He said and exited the room, closing the door behind him. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Safety</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days later Sam and Dean knocked on my bedroom door.</p><p>"It's open." Lucifer called out.</p><p>Dean opened the door slowly, peering in before he and Sam walked in.</p><p>"She's not awake yet?" He whispered.</p><p>"No. A few threatening dreams tried to surface but I was able to block them before she was pulled into them." Lucifer answered.</p><p>"Gabe's back from his search." Sam spoke.</p><p>"Yeah?" Lucifer looked up at the brothers.</p><p>"He and Balthazar came up empty. Cas is nowhere to be found, he's dead."</p><p>"So, that nightmare?" Dean asked.</p><p>"It was either just a nightmare or someone messing with her mind."</p><p>"Can you lock her mind?" Dean asked.</p><p>"I can, but no one else will be able to reach her. Just me. I'm not sure she'd be ok with that, she and Gabriel are close."</p><p>"Go ahead." Gabriel said from the doorway.</p><p>The three men looked up to find Gabriel leaning against the door frame.</p><p>"Are you sure, Gabe?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"It's going to help her recover, do it." He said walking into the room.</p><p>Lucifer placed his hand over my forehead causing me to twitch. Once the block was locked in place, he looked at my brothers and Gabriel and nodded.</p><p>"Thanks, Luci." Gabriel smiled as he sat next to me on the bed.</p><p>"Jody wants to bring the kids by, she says Abigail is asking for you and Angie. I reinforced Bobby's entire place but I'm going to have to follow them on the drive over to make sure they get here safe."</p><p>"You flying or...?" Dean asked.</p><p>"I hate sitting in cars, I'm flying." Gabriel answered.</p><p>"Take us with you, we'll ride back in the car with them." Sam suggested.</p><p>"Sure, grab what you need, we're out in five." Gabriel leaned down and kissed the top of my head and vanished.</p><p>"Will you be ok here with her?" Dean asked uncomfortably.</p><p>Lucifer chuckled at his uneasiness. "I'll be fine, Dean."</p><p>Dean nodded, looked over at me once more, and then left.</p><p>Sam stood looking at me for a moment before he spoke up.</p><p>"You really do care about her." He said as more of a statement.</p><p>Lucifer didn't answer, he just nodded.</p><p>Sam nodded, shifted under his weight, and said,</p><p>"We all see it. It's just going to take some time. Especially for Dean."</p><p>"Really? I thought you'd be the one with the biggest problem with this arrangement." Lucifer said quietly.</p><p>"I won't lie, it makes me uncomfortable but I've known for a long time that she trusts you and cares about you. It took me by surprise that you held back feelings for her so long." Sam sat down next to me.</p><p>"Can I ask you how long you've had feelings for her?"</p><p>Lucifer didn't answer him, he just continued to rub the back of my hand with his thumb.</p><p>"A long time. It doesn't matter though, Sam. This is just an arrangement to make sure she's stable, balanced. Once she's awake and able, I'll leave. Nothing's changed." Lucifer's voice cracked slightly as he spoke to Sam.</p><p>Sam started to say something until he heard Dean yelling for him. He nodded, patted my side, and left the room, closing the door behind him.</p><p>Lucifer stares at me sleeping peacefully in front of him.</p><p>"That's right," He talked to himself. "Nothing has changed. I'll push my feelings down and hide them away just like before. As long as this helps you, Angel, it will be worth it." He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it. "Just please, pull out of this. I don't know what else to do to make you wake up. I know you're scared and you're hurt, but it wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault. Everything that happened, that was said, none of that was him, Angel. Castiel loved you. I just hope you know that after all of this. You are so worth loving."</p><p>With his other hand, he brushed the hair from my face and grazed my cheek with the back of his fingers. Using his mind, he locked the door and then crawled onto the bed behind me. He gently wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him, holding me close as he continued to talk softly in my ear.</p><p>"The kids are on their way back; they've been with Jody and Bobby. Gabriel reinforced Bobby's place for safety, just like he did for you here." His hand brushed the hair away from my face again, softly caressing the skin on the side of my neck.</p><p>"They miss you, Angel, we all miss you. I miss you." He spoke softly against my ear. He lay down, wrapping his arm over my waist again, and nuzzled his nose against the back of my neck.</p><p>The feeling of him holding me made me feel safe. The feeling of being safe made me slowly open my eyes.</p><p>"Luce?" My voice was small, quiet.</p><p>He jumped up behind me into a sitting position, pulling my side towards him so I'd be able to see him.</p><p>"Angel." He smiled genuinely.</p><p>"Luce." I smiled back at him.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>I moved to sit up but he was at the side of my bed before I could blink. He helped me sit up and hang my legs over the side of the bed.</p><p>"You were out for a few days. How are you feeling?" He asked.</p><p>"Better." I brushed my hair behind my ear.</p><p>"The kids are on their way home."</p><p>His smile was so big, his eyes were gleaming with happiness. I could feel his heart racing, happiness soaring through his entire body. I could feel that we were now bonded and I was unsure of how I felt about that.</p><p>"I think maybe I should shower." I said rising to my feet.</p><p>Lucifer stood quickly, ready to help me if I needed it.</p><p>"Luce," I laughed. "I'm ok. I promise."</p><p>"Sorry." He backed away and sat in the chair. "I'll be right here if you need me, just holler."</p><p>Smiling as I turned away from my dresser with clothes in hand, I thanked him and headed to my bathroom for a long hot shower. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Depression</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few weeks later I was sitting on the fixed front porch, thanks to Lucifer, with Azriel in my lap watching Abigail build a makeshift ramp and race track for Azriel's cars and trucks. Azriel was waiting patiently curled up in my arms.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Momma." Azriel looked up at me.</p><p>Running my fingers through his hair as I looked down at him, I asked,</p><p>"For what, sweetheart?"</p><p>"For not seeing a bad angel in daddy."</p><p>"No. No, Em. That is not your fault, none of this is your fault."</p><p>"But I was helping daddy. I should have seen it." he lowered his gaze back at Abigail down in the front yard.</p><p>Turning him so he was sitting on my lap facing me, I placed my finger under his chin and tilted his head upward to look at me.</p><p>"It's not your job to save anyone, Azriel. The bad angel was good at hiding. Daddy didn't realize it until it was too late. Do you know how much your daddy loved you?" I said hugging him to me. Tears were welling up as my heart broke at the thought of him holding in this amount of guilt at his age.</p><p>"Yes, Momma."</p><p>"He loved you so much." I said kissing the top of his head.</p><p>He looked up at me again and said,</p><p>"He loved you, too, Momma. I miss him." He hung his head as he hugged me again.</p><p>"I miss him, too, baby. So much." I fought to hold back a cry as he hopped off of my lap, facing me.</p><p>"We'll be ok." He smiled before he turned and ran down the steps over to Abigail.</p><p>Watching the two of them giggle and slide the cars along the track warmed my heart a little but the amount of pain I was feeling was overwhelming. I looked up towards the sky and silently prayed to no one since Castiel is now gone.</p><p>
  <em>I'm so sorry, Cas. For not being here, for fighting with you, for doubting your love for me. I'm sorry for everything. I miss you so much. God, I miss you.</em>
</p><p>The tears spilled over my eyes and dropped onto my shirt. Quickly wiping them away with a sigh, I did my best to suppress the pain and put on a happy face for everyone. I put my family through so much recently, I'm surprised I haven't chased them off.</p><p>And then there's Lucifer. He wanted to kiss me when he changed bodies that night. He basically confessed his feelings in that single moment. And I faltered, without being bonded I was feeling things that would have been easily blocked out with a bond to someone else. So, were those feelings I felt in that moment real? I couldn't stop thinking about it. Here I am mourning the death of my husband while trying to dissect my feelings, but it didn't matter. I wouldn't put anyone through the headache, drama, and pain of loving me again. From here on out, I would make sure he knows that he's free to do whatever he wants to do. I'll look for a way to remove the bond without losing my soul. There has to be away. Right?</p><p>***</p><p>A few hours later I was cooking dinner for Bobby, Jody, Sam, and Dean. No one has brought anything up or acknowledged that it happened. They are all going on as if nothing happened. It was pissing me off.</p><p>"Mmm, boy does it smell amazing in here." Dean exclaimed as he entered the kitchen.</p><p>Turning towards him, I smiled before turning my attention back to the oven. I heard the refrigerator door open and beer bottles clanking together.</p><p>"Hey, how have you been holding up?" He pulled a chair out and sat at the table facing me.</p><p>Shrugging at his question, I pulled the food from the oven and placed it on the counter to begin cooling. Moving back and forth between the stove and sink, I began washing pots and pans that were no longer being used.</p><p>"Ange, it's been days. You can't just keep this bottled up inside." He pried further.</p><p>"Why not? You do it all of the time."</p><p>"Yeah, and look at how I turned out. A cold hateful asshole."</p><p>Done with dishes, for the time being, I placed the food in the center of the table, set the plates and silverware around at each seat, and yelled for the others to come eat. Dean watched me closely as I moved plate to plate dishing out food and setting it down. Once all of the plates were full, I wiped my hands on the towel and walked out of the kitchen ignoring the hushed whispers about how bad my mood has been behind me.</p><p>Checking on the kids, they were in Abigail's room building with blocks, floating blocks, while Gabriel sat in the corner instructing them on which block to use for what. He glanced up at me and smiled.</p><p>"Hey, kiddo, I'm glad you're here." He waved me into the room.</p><p>Sitting in the center of the room with my legs crossed, I watched the kids as I gestured to Gabriel that I was listening.</p><p>"So, it's about time for the kids to go off to training school." He started.</p><p>This made me perk up and listen more inventively. My brows were pulled in and one eyebrow arched as I listened.</p><p>"Angels are taught and trained differently, as you most likely already know. These little ones should learn some of the abilities such as controlling their powers, knowing when and how to use them at the proper times, and so on."</p><p>"So, kind of like what you taught me?"</p><p>"Yes and no. You were trained for physical combat, basically. These two would be trained from the beginning. So, they'd learn everything from the very start."</p><p>"I don't think so, Gabe, I'm sorry. I don't trust anyone that has to do with Heaven."</p><p>"Understandable but Angie, he's so strong. What he's capable of...we need to make sure he knows how to control his powers as they grow stronger."</p><p>"He's not going to Heaven, Gabe."</p><p>"What if I told you he doesn't have to go to Heaven? What if I told you Lucifer was ok with Abigail going? What if I told you they would be with me constantly? It would be me and one other person doing the training."</p><p>Narrowing my eyes as he spoke, I nodded for him to continue.</p><p>"We'd be at Balthazar's place; he's been hidden for centuries."</p><p>"Baltha... No. You're kidding me! All he does is party!"</p><p>"Darling, I'm hurt."</p><p>Balthazar appeared, wine glass in hand.</p><p>"Point proven." I said thumbing in Balthazar's direction.</p><p>"Actually, chéri, when kids are around it's all business. Children are too precious to possibly mess up just because someone wanted to have a good time."</p><p>Rising to my feet and crossing my arms, I looked between Gabriel and Balthazar.</p><p>"Luce is ok with this?"</p><p>"Oh, Luci, bless us with your presence, would you?" Gabriel called out in a humorous tone causing me to roll my eyes.</p><p>Already sensing him coming, my heart began racing. I closed my eyes and breathed in a deep breath to push down the feeling.</p><p>"Hey, guys." Lucifer's voice caused me to jump and my heart rate to quicken.</p><p>Breathing deeply, I ignored the feeling once more, opening my eyes to greet Lucifer only to find Gabriel staring at me in question.</p><p>Balthazar was already at Lucifer's side talking to him.</p><p>"Please explain to your friend over here that the kids will be perfectly safe with Gabe and me."</p><p>"Angel," Lucifer's voice was always so soft when he said my name.</p><p>Turning to face him, I cleared my mind and pushed away his grace that was probing at me. His expression was pained for a moment but he shook it off.</p><p>"What's wrong with the kids going with them, Angel?" Lucifer asked.</p><p>"You're ok with them taking Abigail?"</p><p>"Why wouldn't I be? Gabriel take's the kids all of the time. They love him."</p><p>"Yeah, but they'd be staying at Balthazar's place."</p><p>"Safest place besides here." Lucifer smiled.</p><p>I sighed, looking at the kids with worry and concern. Could I let Azriel go this soon?</p><p>"Hey, if you're not ready, he doesn't have to go." Gabriel's voice softened as he realized my internal battle.</p><p>"It's just, what if...and what if I... I don't know how to do this alone." I broke down right there in the middle of the room. "What if I make the wrong decision for him?"</p><p>Gabriel and Lucifer both rushed to me at the same time. My face in my hands, Gabriel looked at Lucifer and quickly shook his head no. He pulled me in for a hug to console me.</p><p>"You're not alone, kiddo. You have all of us here with you. We're all here to help in raising these little angels. You'll never be alone in that." He rubbed my back as he allowed me to cry on his shoulder.</p><p>"Is this what Cas would do?" I asked.</p><p>"Sending them off to learn?" Gabriel asked as he pulled me away to look at him.</p><p>I wiped my eyes and nodded.</p><p>"Castiel would have agreed to this, yes, dear." Balthazar answered for Gabriel.</p><p>I turned to look at Lucifer.</p><p>"You trust this?"</p><p>"Yes. They need to learn how to use and control their powers." Lucifer nodded.</p><p>Sighing, I nodded as I knelt to the kid's level.</p><p>"Do I get to go, Momma?" Azriel asked beaming up at me.</p><p>"Do you want to go?" I smiled.</p><p>"I do! Daddy talked about me learning to use my grace and powers and to fly!" He exclaimed.</p><p>Chuckling at his excitement, I smiled at him remembering something Castiel wanted for him.</p><p>"Well, then it's settled." I hugged him tightly before standing.</p><p>"When do you have to take them?"</p><p>"I'd like to get started as soon as we could but you're more than welcome to call out for me if you want to see him, Angie." Gabriel smiled.</p><p>Nodding, I hugged him as Balthazar took each of the kid's hands. He nodded to me with a wink.</p><p>"I love you, Em." I called out before they vanished with the party angel.</p><p>"Balthazar?" I asked looking at Gabriel.</p><p>He smirked and shrugged.</p><p>"He's the best at training in certain areas and his place is the safest."</p><p>I nodded.</p><p>"Alright, call out if you need anything, kiddo. Anything at all." He smiled and disappeared leaving me standing in the room alone with Lucifer.</p><p>He stepped closer and cradled my elbow in his palm as he turned me to face him.</p><p>"Want to go for a walk later?" He smiled.</p><p>My skin tingled under the touch of his fingers. Gasping at the sensation I quickly pulled out of his grip and exited the room leaving him standing there confused. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Barriers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's been two months since Azriel and Abigail left with Gabriel and Balthazar, and almost four months since Castiel died and rage took me over. Sam and Dean have ignored any of the cases I've given them claiming they're tired and want a break. I know better though, they're babysitting me.</p><p>Lucifer has tried to help me as much as possible but I keep pushing him away. He leaves at night now, I told him there's no need for him to stay at the house now that I am strong enough. He still shows up almost every day to check on me though. Sam has tried prying, asking why I'm all of a sudden so cold towards Lucifer.</p><p>"You two were so close, Angie, I don't understand what happened. Did the bond change things negatively?"</p><p>"Let it go, Sammy."</p><p>"Angie, no. You're pushing him away when he's the one person you should be near. You're pushing all of us away. We love you; we just want to be there for you. Let us in."</p><p>"Since when are you team Lucifer?" I glared.</p><p>Sam rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he thought about his words. Swallowing, he answered carefully.</p><p>"It's just that... There was a time when you'd look forward to seeing him for game nights or late-night gabfests, or sparing in the back. He was your best friend and now it's as if you've just thrown him to the side.</p><p>"Castiel was my best friend." I seethed.</p><p>He defensively raised his hands as his eyes widened and brows raised.</p><p>"I'm not trying to upset you. Yes, Cas was your best friend but he was also your husband, there's a difference."</p><p>"Stop trying to get me to let go of Cas. Why are you trying to replace Cas? It's not right to be that close to anyone else." I said as I lowered my head.</p><p>"Bug... Come here." He pulled me into his arms. "Just because you're close with other people does not mean you're replacing Cas. Even if you were to fall in love with someone else, it wouldn't be replacing him."</p><p>"How the hell do you figure?" Quickly pulling away from him, I glared at him as I waited for his answer.</p><p>"It's not. I don't know how to explain it but it's just not." He forced me to look at him, looking deep into my eyes as he continued. "It's ok to live, Angie. It's ok to love again. It's ok."</p><p>"It doesn't matter. I've been looking for a way to live without being bonded. Once I find a way, I'm breaking the bond with Lucifer."</p><p>"Why would you do that? Being bonded makes you stronger."</p><p>"Luce deserves a life of his own."</p><p>Sighing, he went back to cleaning the gun that lay on the table in pieces in front of him.</p><p>I got up to leave the room and as I was walking into the hallway, I heard Sam say,</p><p>"It's ok to let someone else in."</p><p>Ignoring him, I continued through the living room, down the hallway, and into my bedroom. Closing the door and locking it, I walk over and lay down on my bed staring up at the ceiling. Feeling useless, I allowed all of my barriers to fall. I needed to face this on my own.</p><p>My mind blocks crumbled, the lock around my grace broke and allowed Lucifer's to roam freely, and the block to my dreams that Lucifer applied was broken.</p><p>Turning onto my side, I curled inwards as the pain I had been pushing down surfaced. Wishing the pain would end, wishing it would all go away, wanting it to stop, I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.</p><p>I could feel the familiar tingling sensation in the back of my mind, I looked around but no one was there. Looking out over the lake, I hoped to see Castiel sitting in our spot on the ground, but it was empty. Following the damp grass, I ended up on the bank of the lake. Kneeling to pick up a handful of rocks, I tossed one out and watched it skip across the water.</p><p>"I wish you were here, Cas." I sighed.</p><p>The sky darkened; dark clouds began rolling in quickly. I looked around, alert, remembering what happened the last time I was dreaming.</p><p>"I thought you'd never be back."</p><p>I turned towards the voice, Hanna's voice.</p><p>Gritting my teeth together, I watched her through narrowed eyes. She gripped her angel blade as she walked towards me. This time I was ready for the fight. She lunged at me, I caught her arm and blocked the blade from piercing me. The blood began flowing faster as the adrenaline was rising within me.</p><p>"So, you sit around and wait to invade my dreams? What a sad pathetic life you lead. And here I thought you were actually useful up there." I retorted.</p><p>"Pathetic?" She growled as she threw a punch at me.</p><p>Before I was able to react her body stiffened and vanished. Standing in place of where Hanna just stood was Lucifer.</p><p>Confused, I titled my head to the side as I studied him.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" I asked.</p><p>"I felt the barriers break."</p><p>"So?"</p><p>"So, I was just checking to make sure you were ok."</p><p>"Luce, you have to stop acting like I'm so fragile." I rolled my eyes.</p><p>He moved closer to me, the dark clouds were rolling away and revealing the bright sky behind them again.</p><p>When he touched my arm, I jumped at the electrifying sensation, it took my breath away.</p><p>Eyeing me with a grin, he allowed me to pull away from him.</p><p>"I need to wake up. Why won't I wake up?" I asked trying to end my dream.</p><p>"Because you don't want to be in the real world."</p><p>"What does that mean?"</p><p>"Your subconscious knows what you truly want. You don't want to be awake right now so it's making you sleep."</p><p>"Why the hell would I want to stay where someone wants to kill me?" I asked crossing my arms.</p><p>"Maybe it's your way of trying to torture yourself. I know you feel that you don't deserve to be the one living."</p><p>"Don't stand there and try to pretend you know how I feel."</p><p>He smirked as he licked his lips and swallowed.</p><p>"I don't have to pretend; my grace is in you. You share my soul now. I know what you feel." He reached out for my arm again and pulled me closer to him.</p><p>The energy around us was filled with electrifying waves, almost static-like.</p><p>"I don't have to pretend because feel what you feel and it's so much more intense with the bond."</p><p>Placing my hand on his chest to stop any further comments, "Luce, stop."</p><p>He stared at me expectantly but I just couldn't give him what he wanted.</p><p>Willing myself to wake up, my dream world began to dissolve around us.</p><p>"Angel," He spoke with pleading eyes just before I opened mine.</p><p>Staring at the ceiling, I sighed as I thought about what Sam said to me. Not wanting to dwell on something that couldn't happen, I rolled to the side of my bed and sat up. I decided it was time to do something to keep myself busy, keep my mind off of things as I closed myself off again.</p><p><em>-I'll always be here for you, Angel.</em> I felt Lucifer's grace rising within me, swirling around my own.</p><p>I had to hand it to him when he set his sights on something, he doesn't give up easily. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Letting Loose</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After pulling my truck out of the garage and giving it a thorough washing, I glanced over at the Impala with a grin. Dean would kill me for touching her but who cares, she needs a bath, too.</p><p>Grabbing the keys from over the visor, I started the engine and felt the vibrations from the rumble. Slowly rolling forward, I parked the Impala and headed for the hose. Making sure all windows were up before continuing, I squeezed the lever and began soaking the Impala.</p><p>Once the car was wet, I plunged my hand into the bucket of soapy water and slopped the sponge onto the top of the car. In slow circular motions, I began to wash away the layer of dust that was coating the paint job.</p><p>Thinking about music, the radio in the garage turned on and the volume was near max. Being one of Dean's stereo's, the speakers in the garage were big enough to emit the music further than just the garage area. Not giving a care in the world while I submerged myself in the music, I began singing and somewhat dancing as I wash and sprayed the soap off in each section.</p><p>Making my way towards the front of the car, stretching my body over the hood, I reached as far as I could to continue the Impala's grooming session. The black paint was beginning to look glossy and shine under the sunlight. Smiling in satisfaction, I stood and admired the car not realizing I was being watched. As I turned to dunk the sponge back into the bucket of soapy water I was hit with a blast of water from the hose.</p><p>Dropping the sponge and gasping at the cold water hitting me, I stood frozen in shock. When the water stopped spraying, I opened my eyes to see Dean standing there with an evil grin.</p><p>"What the hell, Dean?"</p><p>"You touched Baby." He shrugged.</p><p>"I'm washing her, you should be appreciative." I said wiping the water from my face.</p><p>"Oh, I am. I just couldn't pass up this opportunity." He aimed the hose nozzle at me again.</p><p>"Don't you dare." I challenged.</p><p>He arched an eyebrow and asked, "And if I do?"</p><p>"Dean," I warned.</p><p>He squeezed the trigger but before the water left the hose, I made the nozzle turn around and face him. Gasping in shock, he dropped the hose as he was blasted in the face with water.</p><p>"I warned you." I laughed and went back to washing the car.</p><p>Joining me in laughing and washing the car, we talked and sang to the music in the warmth of the summer sun.</p><p>"She's sparkling under this sunlight." Dean beamed as we finished drying the car off.</p><p>"She's definitely a beauty." I smiled.</p><p>"Let's go for that drive we talked about a while ago." His eyes were wide with hope and his lips were pulled up in a hopeful grin.</p><p>Snapping my fingers, the both of us were in dry clothing. Putting my truck and everything back in the garage, turning the radio off, and shutting the door I met Dean back at the car. He was just closing the trunk as I walked up.</p><p>Eyeing the trunk before I looked at him, I asked,</p><p>"What'd you do?"</p><p>"Nothing out of the norm, just being cautious." He shrugged as he tossed the keys to me.</p><p>"You drive."</p><p>Not giving him the chance to change his mind, I practically ran to the driver's door and jumped in to start the engine. I never got sick of hearing how it roared to life sending vibrations throughout the car. As we drifted down the dirt roads, I chuckled at the dust that was being kicked up.</p><p>"You know, she's going to need another bath after this."</p><p>"I know, I know. That's the only bad thing about living so far off the grid. Dirt roads and dust everywhere." Dean rested his arm out of the window allowing his hand to dangle.</p><p>"So, where to?"</p><p>He leaned forward and cranked the volume on the radio as he said,</p><p>"Where ever the road takes us."</p><p>The 70's rock blared through the speakers as he sat back, drumming his fingers on the window frame to the beat of the music.</p><p>An hour or so into the drive, Dean told me to pull into a vacant parking lot. The building was abandoned and looked as if it was caving in on itself. Turning the radio down and looking at me mischievously he said,</p><p>"You know what I want you to do."</p><p>Raising an eyebrow in confusion I asked him what he meant.</p><p>"Let loose. She can handle it, I promise."</p><p>Gripping the steering wheel with anticipation and excitement I studied the expression on his face. He was serious.</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"Punch it, Ange." He said as he turned the volume up full blast and sat back ready for the ride.</p><p>Without questioning any further I did just as he said before he could change his mind, I punched the gas causing the back end to kick sideways before it lunged forward with a squeal of the tires on the pavement. Quickly spinning the steering wheel to the right, I corrected the fishtail as I soared across the parking lot only turning at the very last minute, sliding sideways before taking off again. The adrenaline was surging through my veins, my heart was racing with excitement. Weaving violently in and out of the cement pillars holding up light posts, we bounced and braced ourselves as we were flung from side to side from the momentum of each turn.</p><p>Dean was now beating his hand against the door to music and belting out the lyrics. We both donned huge smiles on our faces with each drift of the car. Coming to a stop at the end of the parking lot I put the car in reverse and punched the gas again, turning the wheel, the car zipped around facing us in the opposite direction. Revving the engine a few times before glancing at Dean who was staring at me with the same huge smile plastered across his lips. I pressed the pedal to the floor causing the tires to squeal and the back end to slide to the side one last time as we raced across the parking lot and back out onto the road satisfied with the tire marks we were leaving behind.</p><p>Not far from the abandoned building I pulled the car over and motioned for Dean to drive. Sliding over to the passenger seat as he walked around the car, I buckled my seatbelt and braced myself as we soared down the empty road. It was my turn to drum my fingers to the music, feeling the beat hit and the guitar riffs pull at my ears. The lyrics told a story, the story of the writer behind the words. Some were happy, some were sad, some were morbid and angry. With each song, I felt the emotions written within the words as the artist sang with everything they had.</p><p>Dean pulled off the back roads and eased out into traffic. As we passed small businesses, gas stations, and restaurants, Dean pulled into one of my favorite places, the ice cream stand. Looking at him with an excited smile, I unbuckled the seat belt and threw the car door open.</p><p>"Every time, it's like I'm bringing the eight-year-old you here." He laughed as we met at the front of the car.</p><p>"I love the memories this place holds for me." I smiled, thinking back.</p><p>"Yeah? What are those?" He asked as he ordered my medium chocolate and vanilla twist in a waffle cone.</p><p>"When Dad actually stayed around for more than an hour, I remember Ann bringing the three of us here. She would sit over there," I pointed to what now is a picnic area. "On a single wooden bench and watch us sit in the grass talking. We would talk about everything from our favorite music, games, books, mainly music. But never about the work, you guys did with Dad. It was as if we were..."</p><p>"Normal." Dean finished my thought as we made our way to one of the picnic tables.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"This is where I felt the closest to you guys. At the time we were here we were just three siblings enjoying ice cream." I smiled.</p><p>Dean quietly enjoyed his milkshake for a moment before speaking again.</p><p>"Can we talk?"</p><p>Looking at him mid lick, my brows pulled in at the sudden change in his tone.</p><p>"What's wrong?" I asked.</p><p>He set his cup down and leaned forward, elbows on his knees.</p><p>"How are you doing?"</p><p>"I'm fine, Dean."</p><p>"I mean with everything. Mentally and emotionally. You're bottling yourself up again."</p><p>Sighing as I popped the last of my cone into my mouth, I wiped my hands on the napkin but they didn't do much to remove the stickiness.</p><p>"Can we not?"</p><p>"Ange, it's ok to be angry."</p><p>"Dean," I felt my anger rising at the thought of allowing my emotions to surface.</p><p>"It's ok to break down. It's ok to be mad. It's ok to want to punch something. It's ok to question things. Ange, it's ok to let go."</p><p>"How do you let go of your first love? Your husband and father to your child? I don't want to let go of our love. I don't want to forget about what we had or were."</p><p>"That's not what you'd be letting go of, Ange. It's the emotional pain and mental strain you'd let go of. The self-blame. And self-loathing. Just because you'd move on from what happened does not mean you'd be forgetting what you two had."</p><p>"I don't deserve to move on. He can't move on, why should I be able to?"</p><p>"That's not fair, Ange. You can't hold this over yourself, none of this was your fault."</p><p>"Maybe if we'd have just immediately rebonded when I found him on the porch after waking up, I'd have been able to sense another presence in him."</p><p>"Stop. Thinking things like that will only drive you to insanity. Do you honestly think Cas would want you to be feeling like this?"</p><p>"No, I think Cas would want to be sitting here with us right now. But he can't."</p><p>"Damn it, Ange, Cas is gone. He's not coming back. I know you're hurting, we're all hurting, we all miss him. But nothing will change the fact that he's gone."</p><p>Grinding my teeth together as I suppressed the anger building within me, I glared at my older brother.</p><p>"Why are you and Sam so hell-bent on me moving on? He's pushing me towards Luce and you're trying to get me to let go of my husband."</p><p>"Sam's pushing you towards Lucifer?"</p><p>"He keeps hinting at me allowing Luce in, to move on and be happy with him."</p><p>Dean's face showed no emotion as he looked at the ground. His eyes softened when he looked up and his eyes met mine.</p><p>"Maybe Sam's right."</p><p>In complete shock at Dean's acceptance of Sam's suggestions, my brows raised immediately with widened eyes.</p><p>"You and Sam hate Lucifer, what is going on with you two?"</p><p>"We don't hate him anymore. It's just hard to get past something of the things he did in the past. We both know he's not the same, we see how he's changed... How you changed him." He sighed, resting his face in his hands before sliding his fingers through his hair.</p><p>"We both see how he looks at you, how he kissed you when he gave you his soul. I don't like it, don't get me wrong. I don't know if I could ever accept it but, Ange, if he is what you need to be happy again..." His eyes were pleading for me to understand, to show him I would try but I couldn't. I don't deserve that kind of happiness again.</p><p>"I'm happy with how we spent today together, Dean. My family and music are all I need right now." I smiled hoping he would drop the conversation.</p><p>Taking the hint, he nodded and jerked his head towards the car.</p><p>"Let's head back, shall we?"</p><p>Smiling, I climbed off of the picnic table, dusting the butt of my jeans off. Walking to the Impala, I glanced up over the hood at Dean who was just reaching the driver's door. My gaze landed on something behind him, far in the distance stood a person wearing a tan trench coat staring at us.</p><p>My brows pulled in as I squinted my eyes. "Cas?"</p><p>Dean looked at me confused and then looked behind me.</p><p>"Ange, what are you looking at?"</p><p>"He was there." I pointed off in the distance to the place Castiel just stood.</p><p>"Ange, no one is there."</p><p>Staring for a moment longer, my eyes searching the area, I sighed as I shook my head and got in the car. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Seeing Things</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few days later I was repainting the porch swing when I looked up to stretch and wipe my brow. Off in the distance, something caught my attention. A tan coat. Someone was standing just outside of the property line. Raising my hand to shield the sun from my eyes I squinted to try to focus better on the person but he was gone in the blink of an eye.</p><p>"Dean." I yelled not turning away from where I stood staring at the trees.</p><p>Dean opened the front door and poked his head out.</p><p>"What's up?"</p><p>"I saw him again." I said pointing to the trees.</p><p>Dean walked out onto the porch and stood next to me, his eyes followed the direction my finger was pointing, he squinted just as I did.</p><p>"I don't see anything, Ange."</p><p>"He was there, Dean."</p><p>He looked at me with sad eyes, patting my shoulder he turned back towards the front door and said,</p><p>"Ok. I'll grab Sam and we'll go check the perimeter."</p><p>Swallowing, I looked at him and nodded. The sadness in his eyes was disheartening.</p><p>After an hour of walking the tree line in search of Castiel, both of my brothers returned to the porch where I sat waiting. Standing quickly when I heard them approaching, I eagerly greeted them.</p><p>"Well?"</p><p>"There's nothing there, Angie. No sign of anything even passing through." Sam stated.</p><p>Clenching my jaw, I nodded as I turned away from them and picked the paint can back up to proceed with painting the swing. Am I going crazy? Why am I the only one seeing him?</p><p>Sam and Dean walked over to the Impala that was parked in front of the house. Dean opened the truck and pulled his duffle bag out as he glanced at Sam.</p><p>"I'm worried about her."</p><p>"I know but what can we do? She refuses to talk to anyone." Sam asked.</p><p>"This is the third time she's claimed to see him. Just yesterday she swore he was standing at the very end of the driveway."</p><p>"Maybe it's time we call Lucifer." Sam suggested.</p><p>"Do you really think he could help?"</p><p>Sam shrugged as he stuck his hands in his jean pockets.</p><p>"Couldn't hurt to ask. He is bonded with her now and he's stayed away for a few days. Maybe there's something with that he can do."</p><p>"Let's do it. I'm out of suggestions." Dean said as he pulled the trunk down allowing it to slam closed.</p><p>When my brothers walked onto the porch, I was mumbling to myself, they looked at one another and hung their heads as they entered the house.</p><p>***</p><p>Lucifer has been at the house for hours talking with Sam and Dean. The three of them left me alone for the most part, allowing me to finish painting the swing and then move on to repainting the wood trim around all of the windows, although, it was getting a bit challenging to see since the sun was beginning to set. My mind wasn't the only thing I lost when I lost Castiel's bond and our connected grace. I became very weak, my senses were weaker than a humans. Being around Lucifer was slowly strengthening them but it was taking a lot of time.</p><p>"There's not much I can do when she has walls put up." Lucifer answered Sam and Dean's question about him searching my mind.</p><p>"She blocked you out completely?" Sam asked.</p><p>"Ever since she dropped all barriers before her last dream, yeah. She's put up so many barriers and walls, I can't get through anywhere."</p><p>"You're Lucifer, force yourself through them." Dean said through gritted teeth.</p><p>Sam glared at his brother.</p><p>"Yeah, because that worked so well for me, Dean."</p><p>Lucifer shifted uncomfortably at the reference to when he tortured Sam in the past.</p><p>"That was different, he tortured you in hell and then broke your mind." Dean retorted.</p><p>"I wouldn't do it anyways unless she is in danger, I won't force myself on her in any way." Lucifer interrupted their bickering.</p><p>"Sometimes the fact that she's changed you so much annoys me." Dean rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Would you rather have the old Lucifer running amok, Dean?" Sam asked with clenched fists.</p><p>Dean sighed, as his shoulders slumped forward.</p><p>"No. It's just, he'd have already broken through."</p><p>"I'm sorry guys. The only thing I can try to do is talk to her."</p><p>Sam and Dean both nodded at Lucifer in agreement as they walked away leaving him standing in Dean's bedroom alone. Gathering himself before he moved, he took a deep breath and pushed his grace outward one more time in an attempt to reach mine. He hit the block and sighed in defeat.</p><p>"Hey, Angel." Lucifer greeted me with a smile as he opened the door and found me standing there reaching up to paint the trim around the door frame.</p><p>Jumping at the sudden intrusion of personal space, he chuckled as he moved by me.</p><p>"You about done here?" He asked looking around.</p><p>"Yeah, what's up?"</p><p>"I was thinking we could take a walk. I'd like to see the area in the trees you like to sit in at night."</p><p>Looking at him suspiciously I asked,</p><p>"Why? You've been there before."</p><p>"Yeah, but I really wasn't paying much attention as I was checking on you. Remember?"</p><p>Dropping the paintbrush into the down empty paint can, I set it down and wiped my hands on my pants.</p><p>"Let me tell my brothers I'm wandering off so they don't worry I ran off looking for Cas, since I'm assuming that's what this is about." I rolled my eyes and entered the house.</p><p>Lucifer stood on the porch waiting for me. He wasn't sure how he would approach this subject but he wanted to at least try.</p><p>"Let's go. It'll be dark soon."</p><p>Reaching the opening in the woods I immediately felt a sense of peace flow over me. This place has never failed to calm me and ground my senses.</p><p>"Going to paint this swing next?" Lucifer asked as he made his way over to sit down on it.</p><p>"Maybe."</p><p>He motioned for me to come to the swing.</p><p>"Come here, sit with me." Patting the spot next to him.</p><p>Sitting down I allowed myself to sit back relaxing against the swing, my feet dangling just over the ground. Lucifer gently pushed the swing back and forth with his foot.</p><p>We looked up at the sky through the opening in the trees. The sunset colors were just fading against the darkening sky. We sat in silence as we watched the sky turn black and the stars reveal themselves as a shooting star fell across the night sky making me smile.</p><p>"Are you pushing me away deliberately?" Lucifer broke the silence, pulling my attention away from the sky and onto him.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"You know what I'm asking. You're completely blocking me out. You've closed any connection we ever had, even before everything happened."</p><p>"Luce," I started.</p><p>"No, Angel, everyone is worried about you. Please open up to me like you once used to. I'm not asking you to complete the bond, I'm just asking that you let me help."</p><p>Sighing, I looked at the ground and thought about how I have pushed everyone away.</p><p>"It just hurts." I said quietly as tears threatened to surface.</p><p>"Let us be there for you. That's what we're here for. Lean on us, let us be your shoulders to cry on. Angel, even if you don't want to talk, if you just need to cry, vent, scream, I'm here. I've always been here."</p><p>"I know, Luce, and I appreciate you for it. You're an amazing friend."</p><p>The use of the word friend stung Lucifer's heart, he winced at the emotional stab but ignored it.</p><p>"I haven't been the best friend, have I?" I asked quietly. "I'm sorry, Luce."</p><p>He leaned over to me, slid his arm behind me, and pulled me into his side. Wrapping his other arm around me he held me close.</p><p>"You're just going through a really rough time and you're trying to go through it alone."</p><p>Even though my body was still tense he continued to hold me. I felt my barriers shift slightly. His grace prodded against them.</p><p>"Luce," I wasn't ready to face the pain again. I wasn't strong enough to hold myself together.</p><p>Further prodding eventually had me letting some barriers down but not all. I still had walls guarding my heart.</p><p>As his grace swirled around mine, he pulled me in closer. Feeling my body give way, I fell into his chest and broke as he held me together.</p><p>"I keep seeing Cas." I said through sniffles as I sat up.</p><p>"Your brothers told me." He rubbed my back as I dried my face.</p><p>"Is it really him?"</p><p>"Angel, Cas is gone. Gabriel and Balthazar went looking for a while. I've been looking, too." He quietly admitted.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Well, I haven't been around here much so yeah, I went out looking, just to make sure."</p><p>Smiling at the thought of him setting aside his feelings to look for him made me smile. Then again, he had set aside his feelings for a long time from what I understood.</p><p>"You'll get through this, Angel. I'll be here for you every step of the way if you'll let me."</p><p>How was this the Lucifer that once wanted to possess Sam and murder an entire planet? </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Games</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Days later after the heart-to-heart in the woods, I was sitting on the couch next to Lucifer playing video games. He was currently kicking my ass in Call of Duty when Dean walked through the front door singing.</p><p>Distracted, Lucifer watched Dean slightly dance as he turned to close the door.</p><p>"YES!" I jumped up and screamed as I found and killed Lucifer.</p><p>"What? Hey, that's not fair!"</p><p>"Thanks, Dean." I chuckled as Lucifer glared at me mischievously.</p><p>"What'd I do?" Dean asked.</p><p>"You got me killed." Lucifer answered trying to sound mad.</p><p>"Hey, it's not the first time she's killed ya." Dean shrugged as he jittered off to his room.</p><p>Wincing at Dean's comment, I peeked at Lucifer from the corner of my eye.</p><p>"He's not wrong. But I'm out for revenge now, restart the game." He sat forward to focus on the TV more intently.</p><p>"Nah, I think I'm just going to leave it where I won." I giggled.</p><p>"Angel, restart the game." He growled playfully.</p><p>"Nope." I laughed defiantly.</p><p>Without warning, Lucifer leaped over pinning me to the couch. He hovered over me and ignored that my eyes flashed red from the sudden intrusion of my personal space.</p><p>"I'll get my rematch." He said with confidence.</p><p>"Maybe, but right now I'm the one who kicked your ass and I'm going to bask in my glory for the time being." I grinned up at him, watching as his eye twitched. He hated losing games and it thrilled me to know I won, even if it was because he was distracted.</p><p>I felt a shift within him. His grace was rising, his heart began beating faster. Seeing the look in his eyes, I rolled out from under him forcing him to sit back.</p><p>"So, Gabe said he's bringing the kids by tonight." I said wanting to steer the conversation in a different direction.</p><p>Lucifer cleared his voice, regaining his composure.</p><p>"Yeah? Mind if I stick around?"</p><p>"I mean, your daughter will be here so I assumed you would be, too."</p><p>"Gabriel would bring her to me if I wasn't here." Lucifer shrugged.</p><p>"Yes, Luce, you can stick around." I laughed.</p><p>He smiled and turned his attention back to the TV.</p><p>"Come on, let's play another round." He winked.</p><p>My breath catching in my throat, I grabbed for my controller to avoid the look Lucifer was giving me.</p><p>"Come on, you gonna start the game so I can kick your ass again, or are you going to stare at me all day?"</p><p>Grinning to himself, he faced the TV and selected start.</p><p>Two hours later I was tossing my controller on the ground yelling,</p><p>"Oh, come on! That was cheating!"</p><p>He gripped at his chest with a forced look of hurt.</p><p>"Cheating?! I don't cheat!" He exaggerated an eye roll. "Besides, I don't need to cheat to kick your ass in this game." He chuckled.</p><p>Now it was my turn to act without thinking. I leaped to his side of the couch, pushing him against the back of it. Straddling him, I grabbed the throw pillow next to him and shoved it in his face. He fought against the pillow attempting to push it away but I used my grace to hold it in place.</p><p>He bucked me off of him, breaking my hold on the pillow as I stumbled to the floor. He stood, reaching out his hand to help me up. Taking his hand, I stood and made us disappear into the backyard.</p><p>Lucifer jumped and looked around, confused for a moment.</p><p>"Angel," He spoke in a slow warning tone. He knew exactly why we were out here.</p><p>I grinned at him and took a fighting stance.</p><p>"Let's go."</p><p>"Angel, what,"</p><p>He wasn't able to finish his question as I pummeled him to the ground. Pushing me off of him he quickly rose to his feet raising his arms using his powers to force me into the air. He held me in place, I struggled against his hold as I was stuck suspended above him.</p><p>"You wanted this." He grinned before casting his arms to the right sending me flying through the air and land on the ground.</p><p>He slowly stalked towards me as I jumped in the air, hovering, placing a hold on him with my own powers. He stood immobilized watching as I rose higher and higher in the air. Once I was high enough to look down and see the surrounding space around us, I made quick circles in the air with my hand. On the ground, Lucifer's feet were knocked out from under him and he began furiously spinning in circles. It was completely juvenile and I knew it, it didn't stop me though.</p><p>"Not cool, Angel!" He yelled out between grunts.</p><p>Dropping the hold on him, I laughed as I watched him try to steady himself from the dizziness. He stumbled from side to side before giving up and sitting on the ground, placing his head in his hands.</p><p><em>-You just wait.</em> He warned me.</p><p>Giggling as I watched him slowly rise to his feet, he looked up at me and shot himself into the sky. Grabbing for my arms, I dodged him, quickly darting to the right. Sending him flying back into treetops I watched as leaves and branches fell to the ground on his way down through the trees.</p><p>Now on the ground, I was taken by surprise when he was suddenly in front of me, hands on my chest pushing me backward. A tree trunk stopping me from going any further, I was yanked to the ground after the impact and tossed back into the air. Balling my fists, I opened them as I pushed towards Lucifer hitting him with a blast of grace. He blocked it, flew up to me, and threw me to the ground. Back on my feet, I lunged for him, connecting with his midsection causing him to double over, then hit him with the bottom of my elbow forcing him to the ground.</p><p>He caught my ankle, yanking it out from under me. Laying on the ground looking up at him towering over me, he gripped my ankle tight and spun me through the air before letting go, sending me flying through trees. Skidding to a stop on the ground, I followed the rut that my body created back out into the open yard. The two of us locked eyes and charged at one another. Reaching out we locked arms as our bodies collided.</p><p>I balled my fist and threw a punch, connecting with his jaw throwing his head back. He gripped my wrist as he slowly turned back to face me. Gritting his teeth together, he cocked his head to the side to crack his neck. I brought my knee forward, he blocked me by tossing me back again but this time he didn't let me fly freely. He jerked me to a stop and then yoyo-ed me back to him.</p><p>"Do you feel better yet?" He chuckled as he allowed me to lean against him to catch my breath.</p><p>Breathing heavily, I nodded, smiling back at him.</p><p>"I miss sparring." I admitted as he slowly lowered us to the ground.</p><p>"All you have to do is ask."</p><p>We turned to walk back towards the house and found Sam and Dean leaned against the back of the garage watching us. Dean pushed himself off and walked towards us as we approached.</p><p>"Impressive, you've still got it." Dean slapped my shoulder.</p><p>"I'm substantially weak now but was feeling restless. He kind of didn't have a choice." I side-eyed Lucifer who grinned.</p><p>"Gabriel's here." Sam said stepping forward.</p><p>Looking at each of them in excitement I hurried back to the house to see the kids.</p><p>"She seems a bit lighter today." Dean said to Lucifer as he shoved his hands in his pocket.</p><p>Lucifer smiled.</p><p>Sam nodded. "Yeah, she almost seems like the old Angel. Watching you two spar just now, the smile that was on her face the entire time. It was nice. Thank you."</p><p>"I'm glad I was able to make her smile even if for a short time." Lucifer stated before heading to the house to see Abigail. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. I Lied</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sitting with Azriel in my arms as he excitedly shows me drawings he's made; I squeeze him and kiss the top of his head. He looked older. Was definitely taller.</p><p>"Is Gabe and Bal being nice to you?" I joked.</p><p>"Yes, Momma." He smiled, pulled out some crayons and began drawing on the picture.</p><p>I held him and watching him color, holding the paper still on the table for him. Hearing Abigail giggle I glanced up to see Lucifer tickling her. Watching him laugh and smile a genuine smile warmed my heart. The corner of his eyes was wrinkled with laugh lines, his mouth was parted as he laughed at Abigail's giggles. Watching him pulled at something within me. I felt the tugging in my heart as the sensation intensified. What am I doing? I have to keep my mind clear and head straight. I couldn't let myself fall for him.</p><p>As if he could feel my eyes on him, Lucifer glanced over at me and held my gaze. My heart fluttered and my breathing increased. Feeling heat rush to my cheeks I quickly looked away turning my attention back to Azriel's picture. He was drawing two figures standing on something.</p><p>"What's this, baby?" I asked.</p><p>"This is you and Luce sitting on the porch swing." He explained casually.</p><p>Glancing back at Lucifer I noticed he was looking down at the table smiling, watching Azriel explain the picture.</p><p>Once Gabriel took the children back to Balthazar's I straightened up the kitchen and put the crayons away Azriel was playing with. Finding myself sitting on the porch swing, I scanned the tree line and driveway. It had been a few days since I'd seen Castiel. I was beginning to wonder if I was actually seeing him at all.</p><p>The night sky blocked out any chance of seeing further in the distance. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I sat back and allowed my thoughts to drift back to the smile on Lucifer's face. It was a smile I was slowly becoming addicted to, but I'd never admit that.</p><p>The front door opened and Lucifer walked through it. Smiling as his eyes found mine, he pulled the door shut and sat next to me on the swing.</p><p>"You spend a lot of time out here." He observed.</p><p>"It helps me think. I've always loved this swing."</p><p>The both of us stare ahead out into the darkness, we knew there were things the other wanted to bring up but we stayed quiet anyway.</p><p>Glancing at him I swallowed and finally asked a question I had been curious about for a while.</p><p>"When did you develop feelings for me?" I knew I shouldn't have asked it but I couldn't help but be curious.</p><p>Without missing a beat, he answered as if he'd been thinking about it just then.</p><p>"When we were in the Nothing. I knew something was different, that I was different. I figured it was just a soft spot for you because you were helping me with Abigail but the more time we were there, the more I got to know you. Really know you...</p><p>But the moment I realized I had fallen for you was during the first dream walk the both of us had with the kids." He smiled as if he were picturing the memory. "You were sitting at the sandbox playing with both of them, pushing a truck around. Abigail crawled up into your lap and the way you looked down at her, the love I could see that you had for a child that wasn't even yours...That was the day I wished you were mine. I couldn't help it. It just happened."</p><p>Staring down at my hands while I picked at my nails, I tried thinking of something to say. It was wrong of me to even ask him about his feelings. It was wrong to bring it up and make him think I could possibly reciprocate those feelings. It would be wrong of me to allow myself to fall for someone other than Castiel. Especially Lucifer. Wouldn't it?</p><p>So, why was I sitting here asking him about his feelings then? Why did I even want to know? I knew I wouldn't allow myself to admit to the twinge of happiness that I felt when he's around. I wouldn't acknowledge that my heart fluttered and raced when he walks into the room. I wouldn't allow myself to confess enjoying the feeling of shock and electricity when we brush one another in passing in the hallway.</p><p>I couldn't accept that there were times I caught myself wondering how things with him would be. Things such as allowing myself to fall into his touch and enjoy it instead of pulling away and keeping things strictly platonic. I couldn't admit that I did begin to fall for him. Why? Because it's wrong. Right?</p><p>Castiel was so good to me, loved me with everything in him and he deserves better than that. I didn't deserve to have the chance to fall in love again. Why should I? I nearly killed some of my family. So, no, I wasn't going to tell him about my feelings. I'd keep them to myself and deal with this ache on top of all of the other pain, because that's what I deserve to do, hurt</p><p>"Angel?" Lucifer pulled me out of my thoughts. His arm was around me; I was leaned into his side fighting off the chill of the night.</p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"You were lost in thought. Where were you just now?" He asked pulling his arm back causing me to sit up and face him.</p><p>He stared into my eyes, his eyes were such a beautiful shade of blue, they sparkled under the moonlight. His lips pulled up into a slight smile that created flutters with every heartbeat and I couldn't help buy stare at them.</p><p>Closing my eyes to block out his gaze, I turned my head away from him, swallowed, and sat forward.</p><p>"Hey," He reached out to stop me from getting up.</p><p>I stopped but I didn't look at him.</p><p>"Angel, talk to me." He spoke softly.</p><p>"I can't, Luce. I'm sorry."</p><p>"Angel, I know you feel what I feel. Every once in a while, you let your guard down for just a moment when you're looking at me and I can feel it within our connected grace. Why do you fight it?"</p><p>Staring out over the yard into the darkness of the night I clenched my jaw together as I swallowed and blinked back tears. Without looking at him I stood and lied,</p><p>"No, Luce, I don't." I lied. "I'm sorry if I confused you but I just don't feel the same way as you do." Refusing to show any kind of emotion, I walked to the front door, placed my hand on the doorknob but before I opened it, I glanced over to him to see the heartbroken look on his face.</p><p>"I'm sorry." I apologized again and let myself into the house doing one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time, walk away pretending I don't love him. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. I'm Not Crazy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Months went by without me leaving the house. Gabriel brought Azriel to see me any time they weren't training. Azriel was getting big, it seemed that he hit the point where the angels age at a quicker rate because he looks as if he's ten. He's half my height now and stronger than I am. He knows things that I'd never even think to learn about. He can tap into other worlds, angel's minds, and kill demons and other monsters with just a thought.</p><p>I beamed with pride every time he'd show me something new. Today was another visit, I couldn't wait for him to get here. Lucifer would be here shortly to see Abigail but he and I had been keeping our distance since the night on the porch. It was hard for me to face him, to look in his eyes without seeing the pain I caused him.</p><p>"Hey, Mom." Azriel's voice pulled me from my thoughts.</p><p>"Em." I held my arms out for him to hug me. Something was different. He wasn't as bubbly as he usually is.</p><p>Looking at Gabriel he shared the same look of worry. I glanced over at Abigail, she looked fine. I looked over Azriel, he looked fine.</p><p>"Gabe?" I looked at him, head titled in confusion.</p><p>Gabriel glanced in the direction of Lucifer and Abigail then motioned for me to follow him. We walked to his old room and he shut the door drawing a sigil on the back of it.</p><p>"What's that?" I asked.</p><p>"It keeps Luci from coming in or hearing anything." He answered.</p><p>"What's going on?" I asked looking from him to Azriel.</p><p>"Azriel learned something new that he's able to do."</p><p>"Yeah?" I asked smiling at Azriel.</p><p>"Yes. But it's hard for me to do, it can't be done all of the time."</p><p>Curious, I sat on Gabriel's bed and patted the spot next to me for Azriel to sit. He did and looked at me nervously.</p><p>"What's going on, Em?" I asked.</p><p>"I know you've been very upset since dad died. I could sometimes feel your pain when your barriers or whatever you call them falter."</p><p>Narrowing my eyes slightly as I watch him continue, he was nervous, he looked sad.</p><p>"Em, you can talk to me about anything." I assured him.</p><p>"Dads in the Nothing. It's his soul so there's no getting him out permanently but I tried a few times to project him to you, only he's not able to get close."</p><p>"Wait," My eyes danced between Azriel and Gabriel and then to the floor as my mind was racing.</p><p>"He's not supposed to have any contact with this plane at all." Azriel continued.</p><p>"I know how the Nothing works. The Nothing is quite the jerk." I crossed my arms.</p><p>"Yes, well, the Nothing is giving dad one chance to be in contact with you, with my help. After that, he has to sleep for eternity."</p><p>My heart was racing, tears were falling, my mind was spinning. I suddenly couldn't breathe. Gabriel was at my side trying to calm me down. There was knocking on the door, Lucifer began asking what was wrong.</p><p>Gabriel's brow furrowed as he titled his head.</p><p>"He shouldn't be able to hear or feel anything right now."</p><p>"Let him in, he won't stop panicking." I breathed heavily.</p><p>Gabriel opened the door as Azriel stayed at my side.</p><p>"Angel, what's wrong?" Lucifer was in front of me on his knees looking up at me.</p><p>"Luce," I was crying even more now. "I'm not crazy."</p><p>Lucifer pulled his eyebrows in and looked at Gabriel in confusion.</p><p>"When I was seeing Cas. It was him. Well, it was a projection of him but I'm not crazy." I was talking fast, he looked at Azriel for clarification.</p><p>"I've recently learned I can communicate with the Nothing but it's extremely hard. It takes a lot out of me to do it. Dad can't get close to her because of warding."</p><p>"What?" I asked instantly confused. "I saw him at the ice cream stand. Why couldn't he get close to me then?"</p><p>"The Impala is warded." Gabriel explained.</p><p>"Ok, so how do I see him now?"</p><p>"I can do it tonight but, Mom, he doesn't have a lot of time to be here and you won't be able to touch him as it's just a projection of his soul."</p><p>"So, he's really dead?" I asked softly, looking down at the floor.</p><p>No one spoke. They allowed me time to gather myself before moving forward. When I looked up, Azriel continued.</p><p>"The Nothing said they are willing to allow me to project dad to you tonight but this is the last time I can attempt it. Those other times I was trying it was him just wanting to see you. To know that you're ok. He's worried. He has seen you sitting alone crying a lot."</p><p>I looked at Azriel, my boy was growing so much, growing into a young man. I was so happy that his father was able to at least see this.</p><p>Swallowing, I nodded and said,</p><p>"Ok. Tell me what I have to do."</p><p>"Be at the end of the driveway at sunset." Gabriel answered.</p><p>"That's only an hour away, I can do that." I smiled.</p><p>"Ok. I have to do this from Balthazar's alter." Azriel leaned over and hugged me. "I hope this helps you, Mom. You don't deserve to be hurting as bad as you are."</p><p>Gabriel smiled gently and disappeared with Azriel.</p><p>Looking at Lucifer still on his knees in front of me, I told him to go say his goodbyes to Abigail.</p><p>Running to find Sam and Dean, I found them both in the garage hovered over the Impala.</p><p>"Ange?" Dean greeted me first. "What's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost."</p><p>"Because I have been."</p><p>"What?" Sam was now looking at me intrigued.</p><p>"When I was seeing Cas, it was really him."</p><p>"Wait, Cas is alive?" Dean asked wiping his hands on a torn shirt.</p><p>"No. He's gone." I frowned with sad eyes. "But Em has been learning new things. He recently learned he could communicate with the Nothing. He'd been projecting Cas to me but he wasn't able to approach because of the warding's."</p><p>Sam and Dean were both confused so I started from the beginning and told them everything that happened during Azriel's visit.</p><p>"Let's get you out there, it's almost time." Sam smiled.</p><p>"We'll be here when it's done, Ange." Dean assured me knowing I was going to need someone when Cas was gone.</p><p>"You guys can come with me."</p><p>"No. This is for you. Just tell him we love him." Sam stated.</p><p>Smiling, I turned and headed towards the end of the driveway. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Closure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I stood there waiting for only a moment before I noticed a flickering image in front of me. I could see the outline of Castiel's trench coat flicker in and out before he popped into view.</p><p>"Cas." My voice was broken as my heart shattered not being able to run into his arms.</p><p>"My Angel." He smiled through tear-filled eyes. "I don't have much time so let me speak, ok?"</p><p>Nodding my head as I wiped tears away, he continued.</p><p>"I love you. I love you so much and I know that you now know it wasn't me treating you that way. I was going to stay, Angel. I promise I was going to stay."</p><p>Tears spilled over my eyes again, it was no use drying them as there was a continuous flow.</p><p>"You and Azriel were my world. My life. I never should have gone back to hunting. I'm so sorry I put you through this."</p><p>Shaking my head, he continued before I could speak.</p><p>"I want you to know that you can be happy. None of this is your fault, Angel. Azriel has told me a little bit and this is not your fault. You're lucky you weren't fully consumed by rage. I'd never want that for you."</p><p>"Y-you know about that?"</p><p>"Yes, and I would like for you to thank Lucifer for me."</p><p>My facial expressions changed from shocked to confused quickly, "For what?"</p><p>"For creating balance within you again. Angel, you can never be bondless again, it will kill you. Let Lucifer keep the bond. He loves you; he'll take care of you better than any other angel could try."</p><p>"You know about his feelings?"</p><p>"I knew he was falling for you before he did, I just never said anything because he always stayed respectful. That's not important, what is important is your happiness. You deserve happiness. You deserve to love and be loved. Let yourself open back up to love, even if it's with him. I'm ok with it. I know he will take care of you and Azriel."</p><p>"Cas, I miss you so much. I'll never be able to love anyone the way I love you." I cried.</p><p>He smiled at me with some much love in his eyes. "I'll always love you, Angel. My time's up. Tell everyone I love them."</p><p>Quickly, before he vanished, I made sure to tell him what my brothers asked me to say.</p><p>"Sam and Dean both said they love you, we all miss you. Cas, I love you."</p><p>"Let him love you, Angel. Be happy. I love you." He began flickering in and out again.</p><p>"I love you, Cas." I was able to see him smile just before he disappeared.</p><p>"Cas!" I called out falling to the ground feeling my heart shatter into pieces. "Cas, please." I begged between sobs. Curling up into a ball I sobbed uncontrollably as I realized I would never see Castiel again. Someone this time was worse, the pain was worse than before.</p><p>Gabriel and Azriel appeared at my sides. Gabriel bent over and picked me up, cradling me against his chest as he carried me back to the house. Azriel looked exhausted and weak but he stayed at my side for hours holding my hand and telling me it would be ok.</p><p>My son was consoling me, it's supposed to be the other way around. How is he not crushed at the fact that his father is gone?</p><p>"Because I'm not human, Mom, I'm celestial. We don't feel emotions the way humans do."</p><p>Glancing up at him he smiled at me. He looked so much like his father from his messy hair to his bright blue eyes.</p><p>"Your father once told me that." I smiled.</p><p>"It doesn't mean I don't miss him any less but I'm at peace with it. I had my time with him during the projections. I'm just happy I was finally able to get him to you. He was so panicked about how your last time together ended."</p><p>"Hey, kiddo," Gabriel spoke softly. "I really need to be getting back."</p><p>Nodding I told him it was ok to go.</p><p>"I'll be back soon, Mom. I love you." Azriel hugged me tightly before disappearing with Gabriel.</p><p>Sam and Dean had given me my space with Azriel after Gabriel brought me back in but I could tell they were waiting to see me. Walking to Dean's room, I peeked in but it was empty. Passing it, I knocked on Sam's door which was quickly opened with Dean standing on the other side. One look at me and he was pulling me into his arms while Sam was hugging me from the other side. The three of us stood with them holding me for a while. It wasn't until Dean's phone rang that we broke apart.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>His brows pulled in showing he was confused about whatever was being said on the other end of the phone.</p><p>"Where at?" He turned and looked at Sam and me.</p><p>"I'm sorry, man, but I've got family business going on right now."</p><p>"Dean, if someone needs you, go." I spoke.</p><p>He narrowed his eyes at me as he considered what I said.</p><p>"Yeah. Sorry. Bobby will have a few others you can call. Yeah, sure. Thanks, man." He snapped his phone closed and set it on Sam's dresser.</p><p>"What was that?" Sam asked.</p><p>"A hunter in the area wanting help with a case."</p><p>"Guys, go." I insisted.</p><p>"No. We aren't walking out on you after what happened. We're here and you're stuck with us." Dean said as he wrapped his arm around my neck, pulling me into him and swinging me around.</p><p>Placing my hands on either of his shoulders to pull away made Sam wrap his arm around my neck as soon as I freed myself from Dean's grip.</p><p>"Guys, come on." I whined which caused them to further pick at me.</p><p>"Ok. In all seriousness, what happened out there?" Dean asked.</p><p>Sam released his hold on me and sat down on his bed. Dean leaned against the dresser while I sat in the chair next to the door.</p><p>"Just basically that it's not my fault, he was going to stay, he blames himself for leaving to go hunting again, and that I should let Lucifer in."</p><p>"I followed you up until that last bit." Dean stated with wide eyes.</p><p>"He just wants her to be happy, Dean." Sam stated.</p><p>"Maybe, he knows about Lucifer pretty much saving me by bonding to me."</p><p>"And he's ok with that?" Dean slid his hands in his pockets to keep himself from fidgeting.</p><p>"He says he wants me to be happy, to love again." I lowered my eyes. It made me feel horribly guilty just talking about it out loud.</p><p>"He was always a good guy." Dean smiled.</p><p>"I'm glad you got this opportunity, Bug. It's like a bit of closure."</p><p>Smiling at Sam's thoughtful response as I was trying hard to hold back the tears, I failed. The pain of knowing for a fact that I'd never be able to see Castiel again overwhelmed me.</p><p>The clearing of someone's throat forced our attention to the door. Lucifer was standing there with his hands in his pockets looking worried.</p><p>"I'm sorry if I'm imposing, I just wanted to check on you.</p><p>"Sammy," Dean jerked his head towards the door gesturing for the two of them to leave.</p><p>"No. This is your room, I'll leave. Thanks guys." I smiled giving each of them one last hug before walking out of the room with Lucifer following behind me. </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Patience, Lucifer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, he really told you to thank me?"</p><p>Lucifer was rightfully shocked and confused that Castiel would thank him for doing what he did. He understood that in bonding with me he was saving my life but also giving up the chance to bond with any other angel.</p><p>After leaving Sam and Dean in Sam's room Lucifer and I went for a long walk around the perimeter of the property. He had exclaimed that he didn't realize the property was as big as it is a few times.</p><p>"We can always just transport back to the house if you're done walking."</p><p>"No. No. I'm enjoying this." He smiled as he peeked at me out of the corner of his eye.</p><p>The sky was crisp and clear tonight allowing the stars to shine brighter than normal. The cloudless sky allowed for usually hidden stars to display their shining status creating a glowing dust dancing across the black backdrop. The moon, the Earth's night light, was glowing bright lighting the path we were walking. The path that leads us right to my favorite opening in the woods.</p><p>Sitting on the swing I stared up at the moon soaking in its beauty. Feeling more comfortable and myself at night, I always felt a pull towards the moon. I would sit and stare at it for hours when I was little, it always calmed me from whatever was bothering me at the time.</p><p>Lucifer, now sitting next to me, watched as I gazed at the moon. Smiling at my sudden sense of ease, he sat back and looked up at the sky with me.</p><p>"You really enjoy watching the stars, don't you?" He asked as he looked back at me.</p><p>Closing my eyes as I smiled, breathing in the cool night air, I nodded my head yes.</p><p>"It's so beautiful, everything about it. The way the stars shine and glitter, the way the night sky is nearly black but inviting, and the moon...There's nothing like its beauty."</p><p>"I'm not sure I'd agree with the last statement." He said softly.</p><p>Opening my eyes, Lucifer was staring at me, watching me bathe in the moonlight. Smiling at his innuendo, I felt my heart flutter slightly but quickly pushed the feeling down.</p><p>"You going to be ok, Angel?" He asked quietly.</p><p>Lowering my gaze to the ground I breathed in a deep breath and slowly let it out before speaking.</p><p>"It hurts a lot right now; it will always hurt." I glanced at him. "I've never loved anyone as I love him. But, with time and the support of family and friends, the pain with lessen and I'll be able to smile at the memories."</p><p>Patting my knee softly he smiled as he spoke.</p><p>"We'll all always be here for you, Angel. I'll always be here for you. You single-handedly put me back together making me whole, making me into a completely different man. I'll be here to help piece you back together, piece by piece, as long as it takes."</p><p>Feeling my heart warm at the sound of his words I smiled and leaned over to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him. Realizing he wasn't planning on releasing his hold on me, I began to pull away until Castiel's words sang through my mind again.</p><p>
  <em>Let him in.</em>
</p><p>Squeezing my eyes shut at the thought, I slowly relaxed against him and allowed him to hug me closer to his side. Kissing the top of my head, the both of us returned our attention back to the star-filled sky and sat in comfortable silence.</p><p>***</p><p>I was slowly pulled back to consciousness by hushed whispers. Not wanting to open my eyes yet I stayed laying wherever it was that I was laying down.</p><p>"You guys have been out here for hours, I just wanted to check on her." Dean whispered.</p><p>"She's ok. She fell asleep on me while gazing up at the stars."</p><p>The swing, I'm sitting at my spot in the woods with Lucifer. That's right, I leaned into him as we watched the stars in silence. I must have dozed off.</p><p>"Hey, man, uh... She's, uh..." Dean was stumbling over his words uncomfortably. "She takes after me when it comes to pain and love. She holds it all in, pushes everything and everyone away."</p><p>Lucifer rubbed his hand quickly up and down my shoulder before resting his arm back around me.</p><p>"So I've learned."</p><p>"Her and Cas... They were always close, from pretty much day one. She'll never stop loving him, he will always be in her heart. The pain of losing him will never go away but it will eventually be manageable. If you truly do love her the way Cas and Sam seem to think you do, be patient."</p><p>"Dean, are you giving me your approval to chase your sister?" Lucifer asked sarcastically.</p><p>"No. It's still weird for me. But Angel cares a great deal about you, I've seen it in the way she's glanced at you from time to time. She's pushing it away. Just... I don't know, Lucifer, be patient."</p><p>"Don't worry, Dean, I'll be here waiting for her for as long as it takes. If she never loves me the way I love her, it'll be ok just as long as she keeps me in her life."</p><p>There was silence, Dean must have left.</p><p>"You can open your eyes now." Lucifer rubbed my shoulder again.</p><p>Opening my eyes and sitting up he smiled at me.</p><p>"You knew I was awake?"</p><p>"I felt your breathing change."</p><p>Staring into his eyes for a moment, the corner of his lips pulled up into a gentle grin as he brushed the hair away from my face.</p><p>"I meant every word I said to Dean."</p><p>"Even if I never return the feelings you have for me?" I asked nervously.</p><p>His eyes faltered but he slightly nodded as he spoke.</p><p>"Yes, Angel. As long as you allow me to be a part of your life, I'll be happy." He took my chin between his thumb and index finger, slightly pulling my lips apart, staring with desire as he continued.</p><p>"But I won't lie and tell you that I'm not praying for a chance with you."</p><p>My eyes drifting from his lips to his eyes, my breath caught as heat rose to my face. The longer I looked into his eyes the more intense the feeling was becoming. Blinking, I pulled away swallowing thickly. He sat back without comments or sighs, just a smile as he pulled me back against his side and looked up at the night sky.</p><p>"It's ok, Angel. It's my turn to save you." </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Book Five- is WIP.</p><p>Question- I can leave book 5 where it is and it could end with an open ending, allowing the readers to decide for themselves how the story ends with the option of picking it back up at a later date.<br/>How would this make you feel as a reader?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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